make epic wishes

yes, do it.

i would rather die young, or live forever. freaky sentence. i know. i love differently. if there is forever in my vocabulary, i make it mean millions of dollars in each day. well, literally, in memory and what not that it brings in the love i give. there is a whole other world in everything that i could do, me and you, everybody can do with sincere intentions each day. like that, and just that, beautiful memories can be created. why wait forever? why settle and wonder if forever happens? i think forever is a day. we could make forever out of a day just as perfect or maybe more perfect than what forever is, if it ever comes.

my forever, is love- as broad as the context of love is, and more love. happiness is next, which naturally comes with love and with happiness too we have the rest. essentially, i feed my forever. i feed it with my dreams, my care, my anger, my smiles, all that i have. that forever, in time, will show me what it means in due time. the end of time, maybe, but by then i would have outlived my many forevers. having 20years as many forevers is already a blessing. so i guess by the time people realises their forever im already six feet under, making my next string of forever ever after...

earth turns slowly, still

...i like it when my guy makes me feel like a woman and a little girl at the same time. i love it when my guy says something so sweet that i just sit there and smile like a bloody idiot, then proceed to read it a hundred times again just to make sure i wasnt dreaming. yes, typical dreamy lovesick thing to do. but yes, i do it, i do it a lot. just because of that one guy.

there is always space for improvements. we are heading there. i know i am almost there. almost perfect. the world might have its own perfection, i am doing mine.

pain in the arse

once upon a time, there is this dude who really is too irritating that he is almost obsolete to people around him. it is just so hard to make him understand the fact that what he says and does are not right most of the time and makes life harder for others. turning away from him is the easiest and most gentle way to not hurt somebody so ignorant, but not so innocent. seriously, pain in the ass!

sanctuary?

i would be so glad to declare that reality doesnt always exist here, in this blog. im glad, to be calling this place an escape, or rather a safe safe. provoked, this is where i could freely have everything jumbled up and out.

i laugh at silly movies and im stubborn as a stone. im extremely honest, and some people get annoyed, sometimes im scared of it myself. im playful, and i know when something im saying is maybe shocking, but it is just the truth. i simply want to live the way i need to live, differently. i always wonder if im ready to ever be alone. i cry just like everybody else, maybe more than anybody else. i dont know what you believe in, what you think or what you see, but this is just a part of me. ♥, weikwan.

this does not mean im giving you all my secrets. you know my name, not my story. there is more to me than you will ever know. i guess there is just more to the world and everyone else than anybody knows...

pictures&memories

i should be floating, but im weighted my thoughts all the time. there is is a lot more to the pictures stored in our memories than actual pictures sometimes. the thoughts are much more vivid, living through it over and over again.

im pleased that you are near. i love the occasional highs that you bring when you spontaneously lift me up and swing me around. i feel like i am on top of the world, your world, at least. i love it when you purposely annoy me by repetitively repeating what i say with the annoying sounds you make. i actually dig it when you block my lips with yours to shut me up from my emo talks or gibberish, which you always knew makes me sad in the end, which you prevented by stopping me mid-sentence. yea, well, i could talk forever and sometimes i just dont know where it heads to. thank you, for loving me. we are getting there, through to the long haul together. slowly, but surely, i hope. understanding and being there for each other takes time. and i supposed i could make it an aim to wait and see the best that this could become, someday.

i am beginning to re-think the whole my prerogative thing.

ever tried? ever failed? doesnt matter.

try again. fail again. fail better.

smiles, clothes, mischief.

aww, recently everything is ON. yiktianweikwan, lainelwk, this, that, everything! work is hectic, like usual but now weekdays seem shorter when im happier. maybe, that is just a guess. being here isnt so bad. gotten used to the fact that disliking a place that im gonna be for nine-freakin-hours, at least, a day makes life a lot more miserable than just ignoring the whole thing altogether. thank goodness for family, and my man, it is more and more bearable. tell me a thing or two about your routines, cuz i really am not too fond of being happy in a place that is fake and has lots of imbeciles. i might be one too, heaven knows, but i really aim for the stars. so, please, pardon me. thank you.

i recently realised too, that there are some odd requests i-dont-know-since-when, popped up in Elaine Elizabeth Lwk. had it been the social network's problem or had it been there all the while and just popped out after all these while? i dont know what to do. honestly. i dont know the motive. i dont know if they are the same people. heck, i dont know if it is worth being sad all over again. really. i am beat. those days are over. really nice having and knowing people who have once been significant in your life, but had made your life a living hell for nothing at some point.

tell me what to do? one has not enough emotions to support every form of dilemma. i guess im in one of those situations now. one that i couldnt fathom, or might not need to know...

perfectionist. + a little inappropriate

...and here comes the anxiety.

sometimes i tend to fuss about all the small things, considering everything down till the smallest of small details. i become a nervous-wreck through silence, knowing what i did wrong or what happens around me that is not right but i dont quite now for sure what to do, at times. this annoys the hell out of me, and i could be so very bothered by little things that it actually ruins my whole day&night. i should really learn to let go and just not be so tense all the time.

do you, or do you not make a mountain out of a molehill? : )

confused

recently, or maybe it is that time of the month every month, i experience this heartfelt emptiness that shouldnt be around at all for i have most advantages that a lot of people doesnt. temporary happiness doesnt compensate long term satisfactions, i thought. this and that. that is why, i say i probably think too much. maybe this isnt normal. having said thinking too much, it affect not only my happiness but people around me as well. i wonder if this is temporary, or is it gonna go on- - this feeling of abandonment.

a friend said, it is your choice to wait and see, but you will have to bear the consequences when the day comes.

i have, mentally calculated the wreck extend of my emotional state if i were to really fall into the thoughts that i have built myself all-these-time. see? this stupid calculation alone is already a sign of abnormality itself. pfft. like i said, i have and had been on safety measures for some time now. there is really nothing to insure on our emotional wellbeing, really. these things about heart, isnt always cured with mental strength. once the heart breaks, it takes a lot more than just a strong will to move on.

compromise

...cannot be taken for granted sometimes.

im taking chances, whatever chances

i only write about two feelings.

happiness or sadness. there isnt anything in between, i figured. but this is the way it is. it has always been the two feelings since the whole universe is created. maybe those in between feelings are non-existent merely because they are just a transition from happy to sad, or vice versa. i dont know. but i do believe so. hmm, and maybe directions in these terms is either you are going to bang a wall, or fall into infinite air. it could be, right? like the movie inception, if this life is to be just another dream then anything could happen. any-freakin-thing!

sometimes, i dont know who or what to believe anymore. (and yes, i think i wrote the same sentence somewhere some time before. i forgot)

oh well, guess we are all screwed either way.

who are we?

im not fond of playing the guessing game. people say that you change your life by changing your heart altogether. it is not a very nice thing, to me. im a generally misunderstood person, whereby i dont live up to the expectation of many. well, i dont really know if it is because i have changed the way i present myself or people have changed the way of looking at me. i think perhaps both.

shuo le zai jian

i said goodbye to parts of my old self. it is a state of moving on. hopefully towards something better(?) i dont know, really. but it certainly should happen at some point. everyone should have a gauge of whether or not to go on leaving yourself behind, those that are of no use to bring forward to (but which have, before, helped you grow).

dont look back. no, maybe look back once in a while. it wouldnt hurt so much if today is way better than before.

but i would say dont look back, yet.

main reason why

...it has become a routine rather than want&need.

maybe i just think about you way too much, and some other random people that i still think about every now and then.

why do you look so familiar? i could swear that have seen your face before. i think i like that you seem sincere. i think i would like to know you a little bit more...

500th day

officially 500days of us being together. i still couldnt believe i have come this far, with him. we dont need to have a reason and we dont always have the best ways to compromise. sometimes, we are just wasting time. but i think there is just something more working behind this whole theory of us being together, accidentally or not.

who knows what could happen, there isnt anything special with this figure for anybody. but it is special, to me. there is so much to celebrate, i think, even it is just like any other days.

happy 500th day, darling. love you.

i want someone that walks in my life on accident and stays on purpose

...and i got it. lucky or not, i dont know. but he is to stay right here, in my heart for always.

the greatest relationships are the ones that you never expected to be in. and i am in one now. awesome much?

i dont know. you tell me...

i aint tough, love.

i am just not independent enough. maybe i am, but maybe i just dont want to. i need somebody, somebody to be there always.

if you are expecting me to deal with everything myself, am i allowed to have a person other than you that i could go to?

impatient&bad tempered guy(s)

...nowadays, no more mr sweet guy(s). pfft. darling is just A-okay. though there are good&bad times too.

a perfect partner in life is someone who can be with and talk about anything without realizing that the day is over. someone who will always listen and feel twice the joy or pain you are going through. when you start to feel that connection, never let it go because there is more to companionship than there is to love. because in the end, when all else fails and consumed, you will always hold on to those times you dont even need to hear the words i love you.

not all that glitters is gold.

sometimes, when things are so great, we look for flaws because we couldnt believe it is actually real. sometimes, it is real.

we are real, actually.

some just dont want to be real, because when things are real they are all final. when choices are made, there is no turning back, unless you change the way it works along the way. so yea, life is great like that. so suck that.

what if right now you really are living a dream and when you die,

that is when you wake up? - - derrek d.

you are that ghost in my closet

i dont now whether to be hiding in my fear, or to just close up that door and never to touch that feeling again. sometimes, you give me the calmness of belonging. when things go wrong, there i go floating. all these while i am in control of a lot of things, and there are a lot that are out of my control. but this, this could just change my whole life. this, control.

i just wanna leave the world a better place than when i found it. staying happy would be nice too, im always hope for happiness. i just dont want to grow up and become numb, like i have seen happen to many people. i want to live, in love, in a little cosy place in a big city. i want to travel and see everything i can and meet as many people as i can.

i didnt think to be any big shot. searching high and low for that glittery star somewhere for the sake of a moment in history, yes, history. but i would rather have my smile on and shining bright (where everybody stops and stares at its sincerity), every single day and not worry about petty ranks and standard where everybody-is-your-enemy kinda life. we could all do that, there will be no murders, no suicides, no cheating, no lies, and everybody can be their own boss of what is right. morally, i think that is what we all should be. not some hypocrite saying one thing and doing the other in split seconds. well, im definitely not taking about sleeping all day&night, wasting life away in drugs or whatever kinda life. im talking about life, the other way round! chill people, there is much more to life than just being on top... ( look who's talking xD )

calling me baby, like a lullaby.

xie xie ai. love teaches a lot of things. not just boy-girl love, parents' love, friendship, even hatred teaches you to be the person you are, in this case, teaches me to be who i am now. i dont know, i am a person who switches back and forth between taking love too seriously, and not bothering to stand up for it at times. yea, it happens and happened. a lot. now, when i look back, it is only the memory. but memory can do so much you know, as to your emotional state and perspective when looking at people, romantically-or-not.

intriguing possibilities

there may be harm in risking, but remember there can also be regrets in doing nothing. sometimes, either way you tend to make a fool of yourself, so to me, the point is to make a choice whether or not you wanna save only your face or to go for it and save your heart from either breaking or regretting. dont you think?

there are two obvious reasons why people dont talk about something. either it doesnt mean anything, or it means everything. think about it. but yet, i still couldnt get over it if there is something bothering me and i cant know about it, even if it doesnt mean anything. so yea, lol.

281010

sixteen months ago today, you asked me to be yours. you whispered to my ear i love you. at first, i was shocked. it came a lot like a ------ to me because it came unexpected, really. i was thinking more of the lines of let's go out more often kinda thing. i would love that, cuz i just love spending time with you. but i was still in a mess, and i didnt know how to settle down for a relationship so quickly yet. and you used the words i was afraid of hearing, yet was touched to hear.

sixteen months later, we have been through heaps of fights, laughs, and what not. to many people, sixteen months is a lot. i never really thought we could endure this long. to be honest, im scared.

we were both very different people. i guess love glues. hah.

i know you have always had confidence, but to me, i wont truly be confident about us until we go over the two-years mark(?). what is worse is, we are in the middle of a lot of things right now, and you seem to be doing fine without me a lot of the time. it is good, that you think we are very comfortable with the relationship and has all that positive confidence that it will last. i know it is silly, but i wish you knew how much it scares me that you could be too confident about everything.

you and me, it means a lot, and im scared.

so please, just reassure me. please?

in my head

you know what, darling...

i think im scared of you. or afraid for you. or just fearful. i think im all of that. because it is you, and all the possibilities you carry with you. because you are yiktian.

true love is like this

if she’s amazing, she wont be easy.

if she’s easy, she wont be amazing.

if she’s worth it, you wont give up.

if you give up, you are not worthy.”

—Unknown

have i had balls, or you have tits?

(this post is definitely not for my darling)

wait, i couldnt get it right this time.


i guess i have gotten my short term memory a little more severe. people are getting more rough, or am i getting weaker. judging is a must sometimes, when people arent playing a very fair game nowadays. everybody is evil, everybody is mean, at times. so i should learn to face that...

missing

if somebody says this to me i will hold your hands till the end of days, i'd melt like there is no tomorrow. im a sucker for sweetness and romanticism. yea, that is me talking.

everything, everything will be just fine. everything, everything will be alright. -- jimmy eat world. the middle.

suck it in

just for today, i will be happy.

i will try to adjust myself to where i am right now. i will face the situations given to me. i will not try to see everything to my own desires, for what i expect will not always be what i get.

just for today, i will take care of my body, so it would be the perfect instrument to do me favors. i will try to do things without asking for any help.

just for today, i will learn something useful. i will learn stuff from work, from the day’s experience, and from love.

i will do somebody a good favor without being found out. i will do things i never tried to do. i will act courteously, i will not criticize somebody, and i will not find flaws with anything.

just for today, i will make my own rules, and i will never follow it. i dont know why we are so obsessed with making rules about everything.

just for today, i will have a quiet moment for myself. i will think about my spirituality. i will think about my future, to get a little more perspective. i would never allow myself to be eaten up by my past again, where all i could see are the wrong things i have done. i will have no regrets. it is more important to look ahead than to look back.

i will try to live through this day only. i will not think about my problems for once in my life. i will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy life, to see what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those i love love me.

and i will be the person i always wanted to be, even just for today.

to create is to destroy

life is about getting up out of your chair and doing something. it is about doing nothing. making a mess. moving your hands and body. leaving a mark. it is about doing. action. finishing. experimenting. trying something. immersing. it is about absurdity. a creation. evidence that you exist. using materials. destruction. it is about fun. doing the opposite. breaking the rules. it is about ideas. getting dirty. making mistakes. im going to ask you to make a mark and it is going to be messy. dont worry about that.

that is the point.

im writing these confessions for you

if i ever pushed you away, i dont really mean to.when i tell you i dont wanna talk about it, i do. i am just looking for the right words, and waiting for you to reassure me that it is okay to talk to you, and that you will stand by me no matter what. i just really need a minute, or maybe two. or maybe just a hug, or two. longggggg one, perhaps. till the sun goes down and the moon comes up.

i need a great big hug.

day 480

today is day 480 already. 500days of us is coming soon. so soon.

when i need you. sigh.

i miss you. all the time. is it too much?

it is never too much, for me. there is never a time i didnt want you by my side. smother me if you may, please. i would be glad to succumb.

is this what you call karma?

20.10.2010

this number. is. rare.

but you are the rarest.

‎1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas, 6 billion people & i met you. ♥

my doubts, your confidence?

i believe love is compromise, but doesnt that work two ways? i dont believe love is blind. i believe if you are going to be in love, you go in with your eyes wide open because every moment you take in, whether good or bad, its vibrant and superfluous. i dont believe love is dishonest, and i dont believe it holds you back. i believe it pushes you to be someone better than you are. for yourself, and for the other person. i dont believe in love. but if i did, i believe it would be like that.

i want to be more than this. i want to be the one. i want to be the air you breathe. cuz you are, to me. i want to go out, and fly. different place, different time. with you, always on my mind--better still, if you could be right by my side. we could meet up at times and go crazy with each other and you dont feel me clinging to you too much, like everyday now when i dont see you.

no trust, no future.

... people always say to follow your heart but what they dont tell you, is that,

just because you follow your heart, it doesnt mean there will be a happy ending.

-- anonymous.

1310.

special day. everything has almost been called off. just this little thing managed to happen, after straining my every thought, every breath, for a month or more. the blindfold, the nervous drive, the anticipation. maybe it brings only a little happiness, it has meant the world for me to make it happen and to see that precious smile on that face.

i guess it meant little to him than it is to me. but still, happy birthday darling! i hope this is another memory you would hold close to your heart.

yesterday was 10.10.10

this was 01.10.10

little or no doubt

today is the day to dream of trips to paris, listen to beethoven, draw comics, write letters, drink coffee, eat ice-cream, believe in more, buy flowers just because, take a walk, take a compliment, think out new ideas, rock out, stare at clouds, laugh out loud, talk to muses, plan something- a trip; a way to take over the world, start something, finish something, feel great, believe you can do it all...

i am not that independent after all :(

looking into my eyes, whisper 'with all my heart' , and kiss me. moments of pure happiness like these gives me hope that true love exists.

...i need this. always.

i adore you.

i want to show you something beautiful. i would like to think that star never dies out, and that our bodies never fade away. i want to travel to the stars that glisten in your eyes and i wanna take you with me to somewhere, somewhere only exists to you and i...

my awesome, becoming awesome-st plan

i. just.hope.it.will.work.

hurm,at least happen! the least you could expect from me darling, if i could, there will never be a dull moment for any special occasion as special as you :) you can count on that.

*fingers crossed*

it took me weeks* (more like months actually) to come up with a final plan. and it isnt final just yet, even now. i have already written lists so long i could be called a sinner for just wasting away any paper and write-able surfaces i could put my words on, including my palms when things just came up and my phone isnt available.

for now, it is just the wait, for things to fall into place. hopefully one out of that list of things would turn out perfect. plan A, then there are B, C, D, E....yadda yadda yadda. in case whichever dont work. cant even sleep thinking about the circumstances! sigh. i think im an even worse paranoid than my mother when it comes to petty stuff. well, this aint petty, righhttt??

you just know it when you feel that same exact jolt

i do. because every day is a happy countdown ‘til i get to see you again because you, are my hope of a better tomorrow. everyday comes as a miracle to me, to be able to live through with happiness is another kinda bonus. at the same time, i still try to be a struggling mix of real and perfect. at the moment, i am working on the ratio. when i get really quiet sometimes, it is because i have too much to say. i have thought of too many things to tell you all at once and i dont know what to say first.

i get immaturely jealous of anyone who gets to see you on a daily basis. i miss you really easily. but i also like it that we can be apart and we are both okay. space is good, too, right? i love the way we love some of the same things and i love how we love entirely different things. my head is a complicated pile of thoughts, and fears, and cravings, and dreams, and this tangled up nostalgia for the past and, somehow, the future. i love you, and i am so glad you are here...

captivity is the new freedom

...i just know it! hmm, or at least visit for many many days! xD

theletterkay

i'd wanna walk all day&night on all these cities, on those flats!

now i know

people never change,

they seem to stay the same.

they wear different clothes,

but play the same games.

-- maroon 5

just a note

note to self ;

dont worry. if it is supposed to happen, it will...

be still. xoxo

snoozing through

im a twenty-three-year-old confused, emotional, crazy, funny, stupid-but-smart, overthinking risk-taker who loves my boyfriend, stuck in a love-hate relationship with my family( hey, family,normal i guess xD ), reads way too much nonsense, is obsessed with beautiful things and pretty architecture, and likes long sentences or conversations. at times, i still dont know what i should or would do with my life.

just last night, i dreamt of myself having this really bad headache and sore throat of some sort. then i went to the hospital, or was it a clinic to have a check up. surprisingly though, i had to have an x-ray done. the doctor sat me down to a serious talk, and apparently he said the sentence-- this is serious, really serious. i swear i was already having cold sweat and almost died of panic just listening to voice telling me that kinda thing. being alone there to receive the news isnt such a glorious occasion too, considering i was only going for a checkup on the little discomforts on a relatively normal day. the fact that i remember vividly almost the whole dream doesnt make me feel better too, when i woke up to my mother's call--and for being late because my mobile died on me some time during the night. anyways, back to the dream. he told me that i have tumors, cancer, on the left side of my head. all the way connecting to the brain. he added, it is on a late stage already and there is nothing he could do. i remember asking him about medicines to slow it down or whatsoever. he just kept looking away and telling me there is no use for anything now, for me. feeling rejected, i asked him how long would i still be alive, asking and keep asking. but he never give me the answer for that question.

i still wonder why, up until now. i guess it will stay on my mind for quite a while. is it a sign of something bad? should i still be thinking about this, or dismiss it as just another random dream formed by the imagination?

456days,15-months on, still counting

this is just another story about girl meets boy. boy crashes her world and builds it up again together with her. this is a story of you and me, of us, and everything that we have been through.

this is not a fairytale kinda story, but it is real.

(okayyy, i know i look weird here trying to squint my eyes smaller actually.

longgg story, it was a joke at that time. so yea, here is the guy who made it all real.)

weikwan ♥ yiktian ♥ weikwan

this is just another story of boy meets girl. boy loves her. he rocks her world. this is the story about me and you, and everything that we have been through. -- the story of us. taylor swift.

montage.love.

happiness. period.

joel&edna

it was such a beautiful occasion yesterday 25-09-2010, chinese 8.18. he tied the knot, a knot that bonds both friendship and families together. they are both beautiful people, who deserves each other like what it is supposed to be. all the best to the newlywed. xoxo

keep on moving

this world is hard. it has sharp edges and points that cut. it will make you choose between love, money and sleep. choose love each time and sleep when you can, money - only when you must. because this world is hard. and at times, it is too hard for me.

i get to a point where i just wanna walk pass things that hurts me like it doesnt bother me, or as if i didnt have a bit of care at all. sometimes. it works. sometimes. i doesnt. either way, i would just continue smiling, and hold my head up high. for i know i am worth more than what can bring me down. of course, everybody is above failure. we just have to acknowledge it, and learn from it. then, screw the past. we leave them behind and move on!

honey let me sing you a song

--song title by matt hires. really sweet. you guys should listen to it, and maybe be serenaded for a while : )

i feel uninspired. so i have been listening to a lot of different genres and finding out a lot of weird sites online lately. it made me open up to new ideas and just meet any expectations of me in my own comfortable strides. you should too.

i feel persuasive today. maybe it is just the hype, for minutes. maybe after this post i would be the same old me again. drawing up clouds on paper...

xoxo

impression, perception, prejudice.

it is alllll connected!

dear sir,

with first impression, falls perception. prejudice gets you nowhere.

thank you.

i happen to always screw up in a lot of this confusions, and then make a big mess out for myself. do you? i half expect things to turn out great in the end when i am just at the start. talk about being overly-confident, or overly dreamy. either one, im just the happiest and most enthusiastic, untilllll somebody or something ruins the whole picture midway. then...it goes all downhill from there. no more miss sunshine. just, an ignorant sulky little girl.

okay. here goes, may things go smooth, today, tomorrow, and the day after!

things i love on a tuesday*

...it is the day after mon-ster-dayyy, a day when i am either nonchalant about what is to come or is very excited about what there is to do, a day that is not the start but is also yet the end of the week, a day to be myself -- tuesday!

okay, i know that sounds really random. i think that workload, or rather, the fact that im neglecting my work-ponsibility. hah. there, new vocabulary! i am such a nitwit when it comes to work-related-things sometimes. so lazy.

happy tuesday people. out. xoxo

skin-deep friendship

often, times when people comment me for holding my head up and showing strength in the face of death and loss, i speculate exactly what it means to be strong. im surviving every day, but what does that survival entail? from the moment i open my eyes each morning to the minute i close them once again, there is only one thing on my mind. distractions are great, sure, but only for the time being. it is only a matter of time before i find myself alone, and thinking about you, once again. i have never been faced with such a significant loss before. friends--that i once had.

so, i guess what im trying to figure out is if the strength you all constantly refer to, is the manner in which i carry myself, or the fact that i have yet to post a video of me sobbing, with make-up running down my cheeks? because i do cry, a lot i guess. late at night, in the middle of the day, any time i can safely shed my tears without troubling those around me. i dont need to tell you guys that every minute i spend crying, or that i cry at all, because i know you guys can feel it through my writing. i would rather you read the good things about us, and feel for yourself the relationship we had.

all a big laugh

i love laughs. the laughs, hearty laughs, happy laughs, ticklish laughs, the whole idea of just laughing.

having a good laugh is really what it takes to break ice, rekindle relationships, to stop a cold war, to, just, live, sometimes.

im happy to have my doses of laugh every day, and more during breaks from work spending time with loved ones. he, in particular, keeps me at the threshold of my wits where it gets exhausting to laugh till you cry and vice versa, most of the times.

rainbows&unicorns

all i have ever wanted was someone who convince me enough for me to trust, to stop me from thinking...

sometimes, i think i have found him, to whatever, i dont know. but he is there, and he is real. although some of the times i get so distraught and on the verge of being torn apart by my own thoughts of everything in my life, i think i am thankful to have problems and blessings that taught me to think many ways round.

yes, call me naive, call me silly. but i still think fairytale exists. well, maybe not the whole technicolor version of it. but the whole idea of what was in the animated world actually happens in real life. thus, the cartoons and all, rigggghttt? maybe just someday, someday i will have my own versions of rainbow and unicorn. going back in time, or going ahead, i dont know. but for sure, it is gonna be a hell of a ride from then on...

i miss talking, so i type!

...sometimes, not being able to be understood by people you loved most is utter disappointment. what i do is i would write my heart out, yes, whole heart like the end of the world! getting better, or not, letting it out and being noticed, or not, makes so much difference. but of course, what is the use of being understood when the person has no intention or whatsoever to try to get near to your soul?

for what is worth

some things are worth ignoring. some things are worth fighting for.

am very afraid for what the future brings. a lot of things that people foresee, are not exactly the best of visions. sigh.

happy times, overshadowed by bad ones?

i count you twice

when i count my blessings, i count you twice.

we all have dreams. we all have insecurities. we all have thoughts we couldnt reveal, happens again, again, and again. we all could always be you and me now, tomorrow, even yesterday, we are all but human.

who would have thought?

...having you is like a very very happy merry-go-round that never stops turning. i hope that happiness lasts as long as we breathe, and forevermore.

this love means so much more than just the kisses and cuddles. it is a representation of how both of us grow up together while being the individuals that we are...

all it takes

...is acceptance actually. in everything. i realize that if i could slowly accept things that i dislike about myself, i could actually be happier and more relaxed about being me. if i could just accept what happens for the mere reasoning of why it happened in the first place, then i would have saved myself the pain of being angry and uptight about it. also, if i would just change whatever that should be changed--for the best, and just accept the rest of whatever that i couldnt change at the very least, it would make a big difference in terms of my own emotions and relationship with people around me.

all of these make sense, i guess there is always price to pay for understanding it now, maybe not sooner (because i need to learn the lessons), and not a lot later ( for it may be too late). but i guess it was all worth it, for the same reason and the only one happiness.

you could say that i have had a list of things that i wished was a lot different for myself. many things were actually illusions and stuff that media exaggerated over the years of me growing up, peer pressure and whats not. but i was glad that somehow i wasnt caught in the worst situations, not yet, and i hope that never happens though, since i am already writing about these now. anyways, i am glad to have had people in my life who were real and constructing to me. thank god.

all it takes, is just for me to open my eyes, and see...

tinggi-tinggi gunung kinabalu

i love kota kinabalu. like really, actually. but then again, i love to explore other possibilities too. and i would love to go out and just bang some walls. lol. it is literally a chinese saying translated like that. hmm, i guess the time will come, when opportunities knock just like it did when i wasnt searching for it and hoping so hard and facing disappointments over disappointments. maybe i should really just wait, and bask in my happiness by the moment...

guitar keys & piano strings

just living is not enough. one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.

-- hans christian andersen

i have been ungrateful a lot of times in my life, but most of the times, i realized is that i am just ranting nonsensical disagreement with my actually colorful life. which is really not very grateful of me. but really, who wouldnt wanna wish for a string of good luck plus many streaks of pure joy all the way through life? i do, love people serenading me with lovely tunes and well, maybe a little sugar coated truths wouldnt hurt. just not let it be lies. different things could be music to the heart for different individuals. different preferences suit different personalities. that is the way it goes. everything is always going to change, but we should know best what makes us content and what makes us unhappy.

for all these, i thank a lot of people and things for always breezing through my hardships, daily struggles, and for just being a pebble i stumble on. it might have been a good thing, even if it has just given me something else to remember a day by...

a day & a night without technology, no, almost!

30th-31st august 2010, a road trip right after work on the 30th! beat that! dead tiring but it was crazy! w hole night of binging and rami and random rants all the way till morning comes! kudat, tip of borneo, trip again! this time we went to kelabu beach, trekked a mysterious island via a sand path that separates two sides of the beach (this is awesome, one side is filled with waves and the other--lake-steady! cool much?!) and had a hell of a time and painful experience for me at the rocky parts of simpang mengayau. all in all, it was HIGH !

normal days isnt as normal when you have the best company. good times last forever in memory. owh well, happy squints, happy yells, pain + sweat+ burns spells fun getaway!

i think that pain should only be felt for a short amount of time. happiness should out number it every day, every way. either one should not be suppressed by any means. ♥ yiktian

ps: got REAL hurt during the trip. wounded and bled a lot. but lots of TLC from him, and everybody makes it all worthwhile. i managed to NOT sulk through the pain. yay me! and the rest of the pics, facebook baby! LOLs