twisted mind

there are many things happening in and around us that we dont know and never will understand. there are also many kinds of people that is so ridiculous that it makes me feel so normal and sane sometimes. thank God. well, at least i do think so sometimes rather than some people who thinks they're always right and never wanted to admit. having to have known and encountered almost weird and impossible people, and things, i have come to a conclusion that life is indeed unpredictable if you just let it happen...

the eternal list*

experience.

dream.

risk.

close your eyes for once and jump. enjoy the free fall. choose exhilaration over comfort. choose magic over predictability. choose potential over safety.

wake up to the magic of everyday life. make friends with your intuition. trust your gut. discover the beauty of uncertainty. make millions of mistakes so that you will really know how to choose when you really need to, and make memories dozens at a time.

know when to hold on and when to let go. love hard and often without reservation. seek knowledge in its truest form. be open to possibilities. keep your heart open, your head held high, and your spirit free. embrace your darkness along with your light. be wrong every once in a while, and dont be afraid to admit it.

awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments. own your reality without apology. smile and laugh without limitation.


be you...

my very own

looking clearly at our mistakes, i am finding myself doing many mistakes. some were regrettable, but not all. some were depressing and exceptionally overwhelming. not all are bad, some were just plain right! i guess some were really meant to be, making you a happier person despite all the previous falls. we are all bound to ups and downs in life, these happens to either make or break you during its course.

the events we went through pose dilemmas. are we to;

avoid the thoughts of it all?
look back at the mistakes?
be happy or sad?

happiness or sadness about these, are partly out of our control.


There are a few caveats, however.

first, sometimes what we deem "the right way" is not realistic. knowing the right way that is out of our realistic practical ability is of no use. second, since we are bound to make mistakes, much of what we need to learn is about how to handle life with our given behaviors. not merely knowing the optimal way of acting.


there is a lot of practical wisdom in learning to handle our life given our weaknesses and stupidity. not necessarily with one absolute solution. decision makings have long been a debated issue, on whether one is right or wrong. deciding on one's free will, or being influenced or made to decide on things have totally different meanings to the decisions that were made. one may talk about truth. but truth lies with both sides, since what matters is the meaning of free will rather than its technical (so called "philosophical" truth). truth is how people understand and perceive the statement, rather than its legal meaning. since most discussions of free will ignore the meaning problems mentioned above, the talk about truth is empty. truth is with the ultimate meaning of what you talk about, not in being technically right but wrong in the implications and common understanding. (aside of that, having a better life and world is clearly more important for normal persons than "truth").

i feel like...

...dancing !


let's turn on that jukebox and dance till our feet cant feel the ground anymore. it is times like this that you learn to live again. it is little things like this that makes the world go round. those little things, that makes the biggest part of you breaks down into the simplest form of feeling, happiness. we could be horribly awkward, or excruciatingly cynical, at first. either way we had only ourselves. there will always be another day, but not another you.

i appreciate subtlety a lot. though i think i have the apprehension of foreseeing certain parts of my future, the dreams, the views ahead. i still wait for it to happen. i suppose things should happen slowly, but subtly fast at the same time. i guess a part of me wants it to be perfectly within expectation, and another part wants it thrilling and wonderfully eventful. pffft. that is, the contrasting personality needs i believe most people have! aint it true? :)

them crooked vultures*

remember ;

whoever comes are the right people you were to meet in life. the garbage collector, the fruit seller, the driver of the car next to you, your beau, et cetera et cetera.

whatever happens is the only thing that could have.

whenever it starts is the right time.

when it's over, it's over. full stop.

i drink coffee like water and i still dont know what to believe in, whether coffee's good or bad. i think it is neither. i do. i still dont know how to get out of bed half the time. it's not pretty nor endearing. i just, i dreaded the waking moment whenever im having a sweet dream. i whisper secrets. i mumble. i laugh in the middle of silence because of an amusing sentence i saw on screen. i am still looking to be saved. sometimes i am so weak. sometimes i am so strong. here you go, my heart is ugly. but it could be all yours. take it or leave it. easy.

the truth according to me

it was such a coincidence that i fell right through the cracks of my own inviolability. back an forth, i trace colors of my own alter ego, and uncovers the literal opposite of things. along the way i found that damaged people are dangerous, because they know they'd survive. cuz they had, before...

some things tie your life together. invisible, but it's there. i blink my eyes, and life is rearranged. maybe in another dimension things changed. affects me here in the next minute. it is possible. just not proved. we are all subjected to change every second, every time. each movement has within itself the consequence. even the blink that was mentioned earlier on. i could have missed the very thing that is right in front of me at that particular moment. that is, according to me. how about you?

hypocrisy?

separate work and personal issues.

i cant.

why?

i simply cant. there's no 'why'.

not professional? yea, am not.

when im sad, im sad. i dwell in my sadness for a while. think. regain composure. sanity pours in. and then i get back to reality! i dont conceal my them, sadness. i dont make it a public affair neither do i crave sympathy or empathy or whatsoever-ty. i just show it as it is. i'd cry, maybe, most probably; typical. i dont exude negativity. it just happens that the sadness shines brighter than my smile at times. is it an offense?

if so, i should probably get an MC every single time im upset. because if it is so abnormal it could be a disease. dot.

telepathic dreams*

forever; was so many different things.

there are things you do because they feel right and they make no sense and they make no money and it may be the real reason why you are still here. the only thing that makes it a part of your life is that you keep thinking about it...

we dont read or write poetry because it's cute. we read or write poetry because we are members of the human race. and the human race is full of passion. and medicine, law, business, engineering, et cetera et cetera are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. but poetry, beauty, romance and love; these are what we stay alive for. love makes you hold on to things you shouldnt. but who are we to know any better?

i think all of us are like books written in ten or more languages each. all exceptionally beautiful, yet nobody could understand. no matter what people tells you, words and ideas definitely can change the world; even in whispers... dwell in possibility, my dear!

i want to change the world, but i sleep instead. i want to believe in more than you and me. but all i know now is that i am breathing, and is very much alive. something can still be done. and i suppose it is gonna start the minute after this, or maybe next year. but something is to be done. i believe in the telepathic dreams i have. i travel through it every waking hour. do you?

know this*

today isnt just another day, today is another day that im gonna create something beautiful! ♥, take me out tonight because i want to see people and i want to see lights! sometimes you gotta create what you wanna be a part of...

i found out that i can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or even years over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces back together, trying to justify what couldve wouldve happened. do that, or i could just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f*ck on. there's always something tomorrow. so i'll say let's make the best of this moment, now. here comes the rest of my life...


let's find a beautiful place and get lost!
"life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." - -Confucius




ps: i hope you can always find a reason to smile. just because, smile is beautiful :)

all that matters*

add life to your days, not days to your life. our soul is freedom. having love is power. hope exists because of the love we have. and dreams are revolutionary! what else could we ask for? this is how it works;

you are young until you are not,
you love until you dont,
you try until you cant,
you laugh until you cry,
you cry until you laugh,
and everyone must breathe,
until their dying breath.

that is how it works, for me. put your doubts and fears away. it could be such a random circumstance that we all are connected in certain ways with each other. some emotionally (blood relation, romance, friendship etc), some physically (a brush in the arm maybe), some might just be a random encounter that changes you mentally and physically. and we all could do something about that connection, in a good way. very fascinating, if we think about how it all relates to our daily life, that we just go through every single day not realizing because it has little impact on us at the moment. yet, in the long run, the future, it could be everything that affects us then...

i wonder how's mine gonna be. keep dreaming maybe...? :)

vanilla twilight*

sweet attention, love and tenderness. when it's real, is unconditional...



i love you.

that's my secret.

no hearts. no pretty drawings.
no poems or cryptic messages.

i love you.



we are all a little weird and life is a little weird. when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we'd join up with them and fall in a mutual weirdness and call it love. the heart has reasons, that reason doesnt understand...

i do*

it's complicated yet so simple.

it's funny when you think your really know yourself, that you will never lose yourself to someone else. how on one fateful day, all chemistry just came so strong wiping away all hesitation about the existence of 'knight in shining armor'. i am still... blinking. it was in a dream that i saw today. i'd wear those black eyes, any day. im still here breathing now. no matter what, i couldnt, couldnt hide the fact that i am in too deep.


it all will fall, fall right into places...

never too late*

.....to show you'll be there.


i think i have lived a well adjusted life, up until this point. doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected? believe in what happened yesterday. and trust your crazy instincts. i did. and it's awesome! today i felt suppressed, tomorrow i fly free. that is how it goes.


where are you going,
where do you go?
are you looking for answers,
to questions under the stars,
if along the way you are growing weary,
you can rest with me until a brighter day.


you are the only one that i wish to understand....

just, simple*

i went on feeling so blissfully unaware that it is already November! gosh, i got stunned for a moment that it is indeed November, the second last month of the year now. how time flies. what will become of me at the very end of the year 2009 i wonder, hard.



what have i done,

what have i gained,

what did i missed,

what did i feel?

- in all of the eleven months that has gone past just like that. well, almost passing anyway...



he is the same color as my dreams, although i know not of what it means. words couldnt do any justice, to the things that i have in my life today. what could be, in the future, i wouldnt be able to predict. but i wish i could really comprehend with all that's happening right now before moving on to whatever that'll be knocking at my door tomorrow. optimistically speaking, that would be on my mind now, and should be- for all the time.

my see-through heart?

my self-provoked symphony of emotions surfaces almost every freakin day!

...i wish I could change.

...i wish I could stop saying the same old things.

...i wish I could lose all of my blues, and stop putting my blues on you.

...i wish that my goods outweighed my bads enough.

my thoughts are like lost in the ocean. and my prides as strong as the sea. my heart is blocked by a raincloud that only thunder and rain can be seen. do you ever think there is someone out there looking over you, watching everything that you do, looking after you? i do. do you?

psychedelic*

...in my many altered states of awareness, i find that many things are very cliche to a numbing point. through my not so collected self, i see that illusions never change into something real. and that, is far more different than dreams coming true. just because dreams, they do come true! (yea. this. again) holding on to the little composure i have left, i do too, realize that a life with certain things, people, and condition is but one option out of a million.

i should have made a left turn, but i turned right. so i ended up being here but it seems just alright. it is just those things that makes me cringe. those things that make me sing. those things that make me believe. things that bring a surge of pride more than my own, with the ability to render me speechless followed by a bigger surge of fear at the depth that humbles me. just those...

no worries*

Freud believed that the sublimination of desires was responsible for civilization. there are also a lot of quotes about leaving your pride and prejudice for a better view on life itself. in my imagination, i would be living it up a little more every day without the hesitation to think too much about all the unnecessary upsetting things in life, too many of them- if you realize...


problems in life, who would consider things a problem if it was never a hard thing to go through? i guess having thoughts and knowledge somehow creates much of the problems we face today. a young person laughs like there's no tomorrow when we just frown about little things that doesnt go our way. because? all because we understand more about things, because we realize the situation when such things happen. i wouldnt believe in you that in everything there is a way of solving, but i'd never be telling you. cuz some things change here and im ready to let you go on and on and on about that whatever obsession of yours, like it would take my all my worries away. everybody has a way of letting things pass. and just seeing someone doing his/her things could ease me up, in a way without me having to think about a thing. looking everywhere only to find that it was not the way i had imagine it in my mind. it is only better to just relax and take it all in in my stride...you should too!

work*

fidget control@work
i need it! a.s.a.p! pls...

being brutally honest with myself one day, i asked 'when you walked out that door, what were you expecting at that point of time?' well, honestly i dont know...still! what do you expect out of life anyway? that you'd die with lots of awards from the world? that you would someday start producing generations of geniuses and beauties? that having your own ways and senses you'd make the whole world your adoring fans? i dont know, go figure...

dad once told me, that every living things are created in a way that we need food and water a lot of times a day so that we'll continue working and moving and making things. if we are made to eat once and can lasts for weeks or months then we wont be working our asses off to get money or keep surviving. there will be food in abundance and things will be more unappreciated? that was a brief explanation to me years ago, when i asked about the reason we have to have this cycle of life where we play, study, work, retire, then die. that was the general cycle anyway.

so, what's more to life? this life, at the very least...for those who believes in another life.

i do, i think. dont know if that is wrong, religiously speaking. but there's nothing wrong in just having a second thought about something good somewhere in another life :)