food for thoughts

never be embarrassed of who you hang out with, or what you do in your free time, or the kind of movies or books you enjoy etc. because no one should or can ever judge you based on what makes you happy. they have no place to for it is your life. but trust me, if you brush them off and dont let them get to you, you will be sure as hell more happier than they are.

bloody

i always prepare for the worst. it so happens that my mind imagines stuff that is so over-the-top sometimes that it makes me cringe at the very vague image. call me paranoid, or even silly, but it is the way i deal with situations, for a while now. every single thing has a worse scenario, in my mind. whether or not it happens, is entirely another thing. for one, i believe that it is a psychology thing having to have a head start when dealing with all things unpredictable. maybe it is a positive mentality, but i figured it could send out negative vibes to those who doesnt understand it about you. people might just call you emo, or maybe says that you think too much. but you cant help it sometimes when you even do it unconsciously...


blardy hell.

short-term memory

maybe i should write out my thoughts more often. but sometimes im thinking a million amazing things at once and then suddenly i remember that i have dark chocolate in the freezer and then my whole thought process collapses and life is all about this dark chocolate.

impermanence

i think that grace and elegance is in the way a girl portrays herself and not shown through status and wealth. i think a comfortable dose of girlishness would go a long way for a miss. being pretty and having closets of pretty things can only get you so much, but not more than what beautiful personality and having a class and pride of being yourself. having said that, i, still have a lot more to learn. knowing people, and learning through experiences all this while, i have had better picture of how to treat myself and others better. well, of course the initial intention is to treat people worthy of good and equal treatment, but why degrade yourself by judging others of their worth? why degrade? i think there is only a thin line separating being judgmental and hypocrisy, thus degrading yourself to that standard of opinion. and so, treating (generally)people with good intentions should be practiced always, but not to the extend of hurting yourself. so therefore, we have got to at least set a limit to not be going overboard on being nice sometimes. these things tend to be taken for granted by some. by saying people who are worthy or not, i dont mean people who are of benefit to you or such. what i am saying is just a my way of generally labeling people who will appreciate your good deed, or not. that, is of course for each individual to decide.

the first thing to understand about the universe is that no condition is good or bad. it just is. so stop making value judgments. the second thing to know is that all conditions are temporary. nothing stays the same, nothing remains static. which way a thing changes depends on you. i think we are like a candle. imagine we are sending light out all around us. all our words, thoughts and actions are going in many directions. if we say something kind, our kind words go in many directions, and we ourselves go with them.

by the way, here is a random comment im posting here with this post. i really love this scent. i think if you love flowery sensual fragrance, this is a must-get! love love love! :)

ps: i MUSt get this. but it is pretty darn expensive. sigh.

wonderwall

i wonder too much. i wonder about everything. i wonder what you did today. i wonder what my dogs are thinking. i wonder if i will go under the sun today. i wonder if something life altering will happen soon. i wonder if you have dreams like i do. i wonder if i will die old. i wonder if i will meet my second half before that and live through to old age. i wonder how i will look when i am fifty years old. i wonder (and believe) if true love exists. i wonder if your bed is comfier than mine. i wonder if i will eventually travel a lot, not only my mind. i wonder what perfection is to you. i wonder if i could ever get myself to go skydiving, and i wonder if you would go with me. i wonder why things and people die so suddenly. i wonder (sometimes) why things end so slowly. i wonder if life is really meaningful as what i believe. i wonder if the end is just the end. i wonder if aliens have emotions like us. i wonder if i am annoying. i wonder why i care, though. i wonder if you do, too. i wonder how many jellybeans i can fit in my bag. i wonder how old the tree outside my window is. i wonder what it is like to be a bird. i wonder what it would be like to not be able to recognize faces.

i wonder
i wonder
i wonder

what it is like not to wonder so much...

all the talking

the truth is hard. the truth is awkward and very often the truth hurts. i mean, people think they want the truth. but do they really? the truth is painful. deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves. and sometimes we tell the truth because we just cant help ourselves. sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much.


at the end of the day, there are some things you just cant help but talk about. some things we just dont want to hear, and some things we say because we cant be silent any longer. some things are more than what you say, they are what you do. some things you say cause there is no other choice. some things you keep to yourself. and not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.


sometimes there is nothing to say. sometimes silence expresses more than words. picking up the phone, dialing a number, it can do more damage than good. but humans are afflicted with this obsessive desire to talk things to death. so we make things worse, just by trying to make it better.

some people just dont understand a conversation. some people just choose to not understand. we all have useless talks, and stupid conversations before.

i just hope you are not just here for all these. i want meaningful conversations. i wish to have deeper conversations with you.

a little conscience

people said i have changed so much. well here is the honest truth, i grew up. i stopped letting people push me around, i learned that you cant always be happy; i accepted reality. once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, i think everything else just falls into place.


note to self ;

...so today you found out your life is not the same. not quite as perfect as it was yesterday. i know it hurts and i know you feel torn. but you never gave up this easily before. so why do you choose today to give it all away?

sometimes, if i get confused i choose to close my eyes, and try to listen to my heart. my heart may be on the left, but it is always right.

a rant

i dont think that you understand, like, really comprehend this. im not over-exaggerating, im not saying it just to say it, and i sure as hell am not lying. there isnt anyone else who crosses my mind right now because all i want is you. but I guess when i really think about it, it always comes down to me and you. you have my whole heart for better or for worse. you are the one i have feelings for and no other person could even measure up.

i might be wearing my emotions on my sleeves. or maybe i dont. but you must understand that im not just a comfort pillow. im for real. though, even with all these, i have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and lost of interest.

so where do i stand?

you tell me...

second half of the year

...in fact, we have our own lives to live. why bother with petty things people say? they dont know what everybody else is struggling for and yet they are struggling to circulate their stories to other unknowing people. such nuisance and hypocrites.

remember, to never be like them...

388

no matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. we would prefer to know, of course, what curveballs will be thrown our way. it is the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day, the people we never expected to show up, a turn of events we never would have chose for ourselves. all of a sudden you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be and it is nice, or it takes some getting used to. still, maybe you will find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line. so you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, preparing for them, and hoping that whatever accidents come your way will be happy ones.

today, is another happy day.

388th day.

just because.

unconscious emotions

all my life, i have been in love with the sky. even when everything was falling apart around me, the sky was always there for me.

maybe that is just growing up. when you are young, you tell yourself things like well, if it didnt work out, it wasnt meant to be as if that actually meant something, just because it sounds like it does. i think you can say something like that so blithely because you expect to stumble onto something else just as wonderful just around the next bend in the road. but people are rare, perfect, unique things, and just because everyone really does live a life full of farewells doesnt mean you shouldnt at least realize what it really means to say goodbye to something that meant everything. just because you will survive and get over it doesnt mean you should let it go.

i must inform you, that i am a very sad person. i am always thinking about everything. im constantly smiling, but like everybody else i am always unconsciously worried all the time, about things happening around me. some of these times, it is really none of my business at all. but it bothers me all the same. so i am always sad, i think. perhaps this signifies that i am not sad at all, because sadness is something lower than your normal disposition, and i am always the same thing. perhaps i am the only person in the world, then, who never becomes sad. perhaps i am lucky.

jumping line

...encouraging talks, the occasional happiness boosts, constant companionship, true from-the-heart-care,i think of these and more from a previous memory. always, when things arent right, why focus on the bads? i figure we really dont have much time to dwell on the negatives.

girl stuff

such a cute combination! i like : )

commemorate me

you dont deserve a point of view if the only thing you see is you.

move on

my heart was rife with the joy of life,
for I loved you even then.

-- anonymous

one day you might just explode. thousands of particles in the air. vanish from all the lives of the people you know. embark on a fresh new start.


never look back.


...sometimes i feel like i just want to crawl into a ball for a few years.

love is you and i.

we're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions. moral choices. some are on a grand scale, but most of these choices are on lesser points. but we define ourselves by the choices we make.we are, in fact, the sum total of our choices.events unfold so unpredictably and unfairly that human happiness doesnt seem to have been included in the design of creation. it is only we, with our ability to love that gives meaning to an indifferent universe. and yet most human beings have the ability to keep trying and even to find joy in the simple things. their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more.

--Woody Allen



love is the scars on your knees, the leftover food in the refrigerator, the song the birds sing, the pain you inflict, the sweet nothingness which flutters from your lover's mouth, a half-complete cigarette, coke which fizzles on your tongue, the rainbow sprinkles on your cupcake, the pattered package you received in the mail the other day, the sound of wind escaping through a small gap in your window, the dampness in your hair, the chipped red varnish on your fingernails, your grandmother's musical box, the ballet shoes you have had since you were five, the music playing on your car stereo, the flaky paint on your walls, the bubblegum stuck under desks, your hands and the things you can make with them, the kisses you blow, the clothes you wear, 5 am morning breath, your sensitive teeth, the tingly feeling you get when you get touched at certain parts of your body, the tangles in your lover's hair, sleepless nights, overdosing on laughter, undeserved success and recognition, telling lies and not getting caught, clacking out from consuming too much food, being desired by multiple parties, solving a mathematical problem, watching the people around you, smudged mascara, disheveled hair, the coffee and ham you digest on a daily basis, innocence of little children, silence, recyclable materials, trees, photosynthesis, growth, development...

no. love is you, i and a careless mixture of everything else we worry about.

smother me, please.

let me be the one who calls you baby all the time.
surely you can take some comfort knowing that you're mine.

-- smother me, by the used.

have you moved on?

i find it so hard to come to terms with the fact that life goes on. tragedy happens, but does life really go on?

the world doesnt stop spinning, so i guess so.

but there is something so insensitive about the whole idea to me.

the world should stop spinning for a bit for those who could not keep up and need some time to rest in calm serenity.

are we, we?

can this be real?

can this be true?

am i the person i was this morning?

and are you the same you?

11:11

i miss you.

i just wish you’d start being sweet all over again. and win me back. just for me. and really from you. i wish for t h i s.

ps: two more minutes, exactly, but owh well. it's the thought that counts right? sigh.

which are you?

till the end

when im young, everything feels like the end of the world. well, maybe not just me. but it is actually not like that. not even close. it is only just the beginning!

these doubt thingie

there is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt.
doubt separates people.
it is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations.
it is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.

-- buddha

the worst battle that everybody needs to face, is between what you know and what you feel. that is exactly what i experience every freakin waking moment ! do you?

penny for the thought

the secret isnt to find someone you love spending time with, i love spending time with a lot of people. the secret isnt to find someone that you find attractive. i find a lot of people attractive for many different reasons. the secret isnt to find someone who is nice, there are tons of nice people in the world.

the secret is to find someone who wants exactly what you want. someone who is ready to give you all they have got, and in turn be ready to accept all the love you have to give. the world is filled with people in relationship teeter-totters of “loves you more” , “i have to act mean so they will like me back” or “i am just not ready”. please do not waste any more of your precious time. you are an amazing creature. you deserve to be loved until your insides melt. dont give up on all the things you want. when you meet the right person you will have zero doubt in your mind. zero.

-- Keltie Colleen

ps: i have a lot of love to give. A LOT. i still have doubts. means you are not the one ?

is it so?

the best thing in life is finding someone who knows all of your mistakes and weaknesses and still thinks that you are completely amazing.

have you found your amazing, or someone who thinks you are amazing?

a love note

yiktian,

the way you make me feel is unlike anything i have ever experienced before. you make me feel like im dying and flying and living and that my heart just stopped beating but yet is pumping 90mph all in one moment. you make me feel invincible but vulnerable. weak, but like nothing could ever bring me down. you make me feel like im free and yet trapped by your every move. you leave me breathless and yet are the only thing that keeps me still breathing. you control my every thought, movement, heart beat. you have got me, all of me. that is all i can give.

weikwan.

sixth day, sixth sense

already july the sixth! how time flies! half a year gone just like that. and i am not getting any younger like this moment, in the next. and there is absolutely nothing i can do about it.

if you realized how powerful your thoughts are,
you would never think a negative thought.
-- Peace Pilgrim

today, i feel blue. so i had decided to share a list of things here -- Lessons From Life, by 90-year-old Regina Brett. here goes;

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch!
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

xoxo

yiktianweikwan

hen's night

stephanie's hen's night was simple yet fun. it was a small gathering of old friends with a twist, to be an unforgettable night for her to let loose and all that. it was all safe, and just a small intimate celebration. another one of my friend is tying the knot. for me, it is excitement and joy going to weddings and all. i dont know how mine will be, that one day, i hope it will be a sweet one.


if i could explain love in one word,


it would have to be trust. 
trust that he doesnt cheat on you, trust that he doesnt lie to
 you, trust that he really likes you, trust that he will always be
 there for you, trust that he can go to a party and not get high 
or drunk, trust that you dont have to worry about him breaking 
up with you the second you wake up, trust that he will stick up 
for you, trust that he will never fall in love with another,
 trust that he wont just get sick of you, and trust that he
 wants you like you want him.

smell the air

simple things are the most valuable
and
only wise people appreciate them
-- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

when you are unhappy, i guess everything in the world -- be it reading, eating, sleeping etc has something buried somewhere inside it that just makes you all the more unhappier. there used to be people, things that tries hard to make me happy every day. now it is me trying to make myself happy living in my own flesh&bones. sometimes i think too much, yes, but not thinking makes me even more blue then i have always been.

at least, when i think, i could make up stories in my head that tries to stop myself from seeing&believing in negativity.

who are you?

everybody has three lives each. a public life, a private life, and a secret life. this quote by i-dont-know-who really stops me dead on track. have you ever wonder why people actually gossip? why are there rumors? well, i dont mean anything bad here but i just think, sometimes, that there is a lot of stories behind everyone of us. it isnt easy being somebody, but somebody with an actual life has more than just a name and a dna.