i miss you

today i realized a lot of things, actually i have always realized these - in you. you are a very strong man, a very focused person. i have always thought you were dependable, and you most certainly can go far if you would try. i fight for a lot of things, and after a while i think to myself there is no point fighting over certain things sometimes. that is when the saying if it is meant to be, it will be comes in. there is chemistry in having what we have, no matter how much - nobody can deny that. we will still stare at the same stars, the same sky, walk under the same sun.

bigbig hug and thought-loads full of love over to you. always, my home.

ps: i dont know if the home offer will still be valid, but the home that i have in my heart lasts forever and a day more!

vanity

we had a company photo shoot at a photography's studio with all three directors and almost everybody from the office on the saturday of 23rd June. everybody had hell load of fun arranging and re-arranging the set, posing and poking playfully at each other, being happy just smiling all the time. it was a totally different environment, than that of at the office. not that colleagues were un-happy people at the workplace, but the mood partially shifted from being workaholic(s) to a very dynamic and interesting bunch.

well, the studio version of the pictures taken werent available just yet, but these are some pictures taken from phone here and there. a glimpse of the people and set, for you and me. xoxo

these two girls - sarah in grey, and adrina in red, are two of the best colleagues a girls could ever ask for (: yes. beautiful girls, both blissfully taken though...

the directors, getting ready with their sharp suits and sleek stuff.
all prepped up, only waiting for the shoot. teehee.

ignore the candid pose of my boss's daughter accidentally caught in a very awkward position behind me. this photo was taken during 'the wait' for our part of the photo shoot.

all raw&non-edited.

i cant wait for the end-result from the photographer! (: so, please bear with my giddiness...

garnet&diamonds

...and i promise you i will hold your hand back. i will sit back and enjoy it. i will laugh at lightning. i will giggle at thunder. i will drink raindrops. i will lean into the wind. i will see the sun come out. and one day, i will cry for a storm that’s passed, never to come again.

i wrote this for you, the physics in the air.

freefall

i feel like im waiting for something, that i know in the back of my mind it might not happen. i just cant make myself let you go, i have gotten so attached and i have set my expectations and hopes too high.

sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. you have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. what’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not - won’t. love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. at times, people need to fight for you. if they don’t, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and not lose something real. always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for.

cinnamon wishlist

i will always miss you, even though we werent right for each other. i would tell you everything that i have been feeling, but i know it wont make any difference.

sometimes you just cant tell someone how you feel. not just because you dont trust them or because you think they will call you a freak, but because you can never really find the right words to make them understand. it makes you frustrated. people take things 100 different ways, and that is why it is so hard. but if what you are trying to say is meant to be said it will find a way to be understood. actually.

there is a point in your life when you know who stays forever, and who is just around for a while. people change, but so do you. sometimes for the best, and sometimes for the worst. bad things happen to everyone, you are not in it alone. people lie, and some people just dont care how you feel. your heart beats, no matter how much pain you are in. everything will be okay eventually. there are always people in your life that just make your day, no matter the miles. i know about distance, i have been dealing with it all my life, dont tell me it is easy, because it is not. but it’s worth it. i would rather keep in touch with the people i love, than just drop it and forget about it. you dont forget the ones you love. it doesnt work like that.

2years, 3weeks.

...because to you, we are already married and we stick like a glue. that's it. i dont know how you do it, but i find it pretty hard to catch up with your pace sometimes, really.

some things dont last forever, but some things do. like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.

there is a saying that goes : if you fight like a married couple, talk like bestfriends, flirt like first love, protect each other like brother and sister, it is meant to be! let us cross fingers that all these actually meant the real deal, or else, the things that i have left behind and let go of will forever and ever haunt me in dreams&reality.

make damn sure

i am very very very blur as to what is ahead of me. i am actually living the one day at a time philosophy, again. i know i should not just let life pass me by like that and not do anything about it, but at this very moment i am better of like that.

there it goes again. that heavy feeling in my chest when i dont feel any desire to speak or move. all i want to do is close my eyes and sleep, because the process of being broken is incredibly exhausting. i attempt my best to make my days fulfilling, but no matter how hard i try i cant seem to connect to anyone or anything. now. just, now.

dancing dreams

im mad at you, and im madly in love with you. ridiculous, i know. but i cant explain what you do to me.

in the space between yes and no, there is a lifetime. it is the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it is the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; it is the legroom for the lies you will tell yourself in the future. // jodi picoult

memory tapes

everyday we pass by strangers we meet eyes with, with minutes we would take back to get one more look, and sparks that fly quickly with one swift touch - that all too soon disappear as the train door closes, as the car pulls away, as we turn the street corner, leaving us waiting on the other side wondering what could have happened if we just simply said, 'hi'.

darling, every so often, some little things you say or do completely overwhelms me and i remember why i completely adore you despite everything else.

a weekend at tip of borneo music fest. the very few picture says it all. magical sunset, musical breeze, and lots of quiet time just having random joyrides - borneo style.

like a chandelier

746days of being together, day in - and - day out. on a bad day, i wont cry. i'd just say fuck you and smile. i realized that it takes so much more to work on a relationship. having love just aint enough. it takes courage, patience (loads of 'em), tolerance, tear&sweat, lots of kleenex, loads&loads of luck and the rest of what you can possibly endure in a lifetime to make it through. seriously? yea, i ask myself that from time to time, whether it is worth it. i still dont know. i am still finding out. i lost and gained a lot of different things along the way, but i guess it is okay. things and people that are meant to stay, will stay, no matter what. those that i lost, will be, sooner or later. life goes on.

barefoot blue jean night

dearest soulmate,

we were unspoken whispers, pocketed secrets, subtle expressive faces, shooting stars unseen, unwritten lovesick phrases, and everything we could hide between. we were things that only we ever knew, things that no one else understood.

perhaps you and i are just characters from two different chapters of the same book, bound by the spines of our backs, eagerly awaiting to meet on the very last page of a novel you never want to end.

fremitus

okay. i admit, im done with having my me-time.

you never know which side of the bed you will wake up to. there is always good and bad days, no matter what you do. it is frustrating. it is scary. one day someone will break your heart again and you will want to die, or never wanna grow attached to anyone ever again. it is the worst. you will get over it, even though for a while you will be sure you wont, or cant. lottery winners and people who lose their limbs return for the most part to their previous attitude towards life six months after each event. you will need to stop feeling sorry for yourself at some point. saying things like if i had that, or if i looked like him/her, what ifs... it is all false perceptions. we all wish we could change something about ourselves. no matter who you are, you are bound to still feel boring, unattractive, awkward, like everyone is looking at you differently. we have everything we need to be happy, to be loved. we cant change ourselves, literally, we can improvise and embrace the fact that it might be hard but you are you, and you are one of a kind. life is full of bruises and stabbings but it really is beautiful sometimes.

iridescence

dont you hate it when you are dreaming about someone you really want to see and the dream you are having feels so real. until you wake up, you are like. darn, it was just a dream.. then you start getting this sad feeling inside and you feel like tearing up because it felt like it happened in reality. but really, it was just a dream. and you cannot help but think about the dream over and over again. which makes you break down.

starbucksandchanelbags

guide of how to have a better day, today's list, my way;

make lists, eat, laugh, think, dont think too much, drink tea, dance freely, make new friends, accomplish something, watch a movie, or something online or on tv - wherever, spray paint something tomorrow, go crazy with roxy&whisky, doodle - even if i dont feel like it.

ps: before i pass on, i wanna make somebody happy. not just smile, but legit happy. be that one person who makes their life complete.

translation please

i find this amusing. thai movie. (:

risks

there are certain emotions in your body that not even your best friend can sympathize with, but you will find the right film or the right book, and it will understand you.// Björk

i think, someday everything will make perfect sense. so for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason.

but, having said that, i want to be happy with the simplicity of life. to stop wanting more...

game on!

in all honestly, relationships are not for everyone. some people are not made to be in one, some people are made to just do their thing and for some people, a relationship is just a natural thing. when people walk away from you, let them go. your destiny is never tied to anybody who leaves you, and it doesnt mean that they are bad people. it just means that their part in your story is over. this is what i make myself believe, all the time. it is good therapy, having breaks once in a while just listening to your own heartbeat and letting yourself feel whatever possible. then after all of that, tell yourself that everything is gonna be alright.

it is what you yourself feel that matters most in the end. and nobody could ever change that.

mental notes

being broken hearted is like having a broken pair of ribs. on the outside, it looks like nothing is wrong, but the truth is, every breath hurts. #justsaying

july f-lyy!

July. so so fast. i havent even had a proper june, this year, and it is July already! i could have just remained nonchalant to this rate of passing of time. pfft.

sometimes, when everything is quiet, i can be my own best friend. i could just brew myself hot hot tea, and get some papers and and pen. with that, i have my own conversations with my very own words. weird, i know i talk to myself, i write to myself, with myself, but that's the way i roll and chill.

of my love, i will miss everything, of every moment, of everyday, even if it is only seconds apart. that, you can be sure.