snoozing through

im a twenty-three-year-old confused, emotional, crazy, funny, stupid-but-smart, overthinking risk-taker who loves my boyfriend, stuck in a love-hate relationship with my family( hey, family,normal i guess xD ), reads way too much nonsense, is obsessed with beautiful things and pretty architecture, and likes long sentences or conversations. at times, i still dont know what i should or would do with my life.

just last night, i dreamt of myself having this really bad headache and sore throat of some sort. then i went to the hospital, or was it a clinic to have a check up. surprisingly though, i had to have an x-ray done. the doctor sat me down to a serious talk, and apparently he said the sentence-- this is serious, really serious. i swear i was already having cold sweat and almost died of panic just listening to voice telling me that kinda thing. being alone there to receive the news isnt such a glorious occasion too, considering i was only going for a checkup on the little discomforts on a relatively normal day. the fact that i remember vividly almost the whole dream doesnt make me feel better too, when i woke up to my mother's call--and for being late because my mobile died on me some time during the night. anyways, back to the dream. he told me that i have tumors, cancer, on the left side of my head. all the way connecting to the brain. he added, it is on a late stage already and there is nothing he could do. i remember asking him about medicines to slow it down or whatsoever. he just kept looking away and telling me there is no use for anything now, for me. feeling rejected, i asked him how long would i still be alive, asking and keep asking. but he never give me the answer for that question.

i still wonder why, up until now. i guess it will stay on my mind for quite a while. is it a sign of something bad? should i still be thinking about this, or dismiss it as just another random dream formed by the imagination?