best things in life that happens at the worst times

to die would be an awfully big adventure.
--Peter Pan, J. M. Barie


the little things in life we never know we would love. did you ever think and smile upon things that makes you angry sometimes? things that annoy you in the most unsuitable time of the day. circumstances that makes you hate certain event or person? these little things we encounter, we would never know what it actually did to alter our whole life...

i got this once in a forwarded email some time after the september 11th attack, and it changes my view on certain things. just bear with me and read through these that i have copied from that email and think for a bit : )

the head of a company survived 9/11 because
his son started kindergarten.

another fellow was alive because it was
his turn to bring donuts.

one woman was late because her
alarm clock didnt go off in time.

one was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
because of an auto accident.

one of them
missed his bus.

one spilled food on her clothes and had to take
time to change.

one’s
car wouldnt start.

one couldnt
get a taxi.

the one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took the various means to get to work but before. he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. he stopped at a drugstore to buy a band-aid. that is why he is alive today..

now when i am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone, all the little things that used to annoy me,


i think to myself,


this is exactly where im meant to be at this very moment.



...try taking a minute to reflect, and not just be angry at the littlest things. being angry doesnt solve anything. it kills a lot of things, including our senses to kindness and love.

awesome

...shopping trip. just us, fooling around. fight, laugh, scream, cry, smile, and doing just about anything under the sun without a care in the world for a week. bliss. another great weekend trip with great people. you guys make my world go round.


*yiktian*rica*terry*mel+bf*random strangers who made us laugh wherever we bump into them*


it would be just another place on the map neither heaven nor hell, depending on how and with whom i spend time with. looking forward to more honey-coated trips!


xoxo

grayskymorning

my mental roller coaster ; my thoughts never stopped, i acted impulsively, sleep became a luxury sometimes, highly emotional, crying and laughing, anger and extacy sometimes all rolled into to one. many people wont understand how it is like. it is not by choice that these emotions become severe. sometimes it is just the chemistry working within, provoked by a certain something that made me seem so emotional. there is no need to just shrug me off and just call me emo like i chose to have this on me all day. a little comfort and understanding could go a long way.

today's goal

things to do today ;

1. get up
2. survive
3. get back to bed






... when everything is done. look back. smile or cry. that is all.

did you ever?

sometimes, i think about my life and just want to kind of bang myself into a wall. words are the most powerful drug used by mankind.

-- rudyard kipling




....me too.

vindicated

random thought;

there is a misconception that people who cohabit never want to get married. i disagree. i think, on the contrary, they want to make sure they have only one marriage. they want to make sure this is the right person before they commit. but not every couple who live together are destined to walk down the aisle together.


i cant wait until we are little old people and i will tell you everyday that i love you the same as i did when we were teens.

these thoughts, they trap me sometimes, but i guess im sane this way. thinking way beyond the now, seeing possibilities, and what could be happening and maybe how i could deal with those that could happen.

just hopeful

there is no such thing as certainty in life (i think i have already touched on this topic a while ago). as much as there are miracle and coincidence and all that, certainty is just about as subjective to belief and perspective.

i would be you, you would be me, we would be one, and we would be just fine. the ice caps wouldnt be melted, and neither would i. i would just drive my old bicycle and everything would be alright. energy would just fall down right from the sky. words would fly right from out of my mouth, out of mind, into your heart, into your life, and everything would sound just right. and no one would stop me from drinking my wine. that is my dream world, it is more than a dream.

the real world just dont feel right. sometimes.

i wouldnt spend my days searching for lost time. i wouldnt be so damn sensitive, i would let things go by. no matter what the weather i would learn to change, i would change with the tide. that is my dream world.

that is my dream world.

it is not now.

it is just something i think about every now and then.

talk about monday

[stress] - noun
1. the confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's desire to beat or choke the living shit out of some asshole who desperately needs it.


ahhh. thunder! * hide *


i feel like im gonna puke (literally) if i am to click on the mouse another time. yes, the computer irritates me as much as it amuses me. go figure. pfft. i know im talking on defenseless grounds here, how computer is one of the most influential 'thing' on earth right now, and how much it contributes to the comfort of our everyday life today. blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda but hey, im not gonna wanna click on that mouse forever drawing lines and lines and 3d and lines and 3d. makes me sick. maybe if i could i would go to sleep and dream everything out, and then the computer could process what i dreamt into reality of some sort. ha ha ha * choke * okay, not funny. pardon my being silly at this time of the week, again.


well, for one, i think im beginning to like Mondays. sue me for being indecisive. but now i think having something to do is better okay, sometimes. but if i were to choose, i would be a happy pup snugly tucked away in warm blankets with my pile of novels to finish. well, that is about how easily i could be satisfied in passing my time. there are tonnes of things i would wanna do, if i could do, if i were to have time without having to work my ass off for a living though. let us just have it this way, simple things are bliss.


happy working, people * wink *

fuckingforgetit

...we are so gonna make it till the end! i just know we would! : )

so tell me why would i let you go? give me twenty good reasons i need to know. i love you darling. there is just about enough reasons in that to pull through twenty and gazillion more reasons!





awesome. us.



yiktianweikwan

brightest little firefly in my jar

i threw everything out that doesnt make sense, to find a thousand more things that dont make sense. and i cant help but get lost in a fault like this. when i dont know how to hide myself in open air, where im all alone, alone, alone...

some things in my mind, always

i wish you were at my doorstep waiting for me, for once, when i reach home from work.
or at the car, just dropping by before i go home.
or maybe an sms saying hi.

anything.
just seeing you, i would melt.




ps: these things i will never say. because i sound desperate, like now. pfft. : (

you are so much more to me than you think

those days,

i sleep for the whole day, only woke up to have lunch, go for joyride, and feel the sun and rain in the afternoon. then, move on. sad thoughts are still with me, i still want to cry sometimes, all the times. but i wont concentrate on them anymore.

i try to make things more bearable, not for me, but for my loved ones.

ignorance*

seriously? now i get it. you are teaching me something...

i am a destination*

“ im not a stop along the way.
im a destination.
and if you refuse to come, im gonna need to find a replacement."

-- gossip girls

... if being crazy means living life as if it matters, then i dont care if we are completely insane.

ps: my heart is leaving on a jetplane. to where? i dont know, and probably wouldnt know either. im just going...

these feelings are indescribable, but is said this way and made understandable, for a bit.

start all over and over and over and over and over again

doe, a deer, a female deer
ray, a drop of golden sun
me, a name i call myself
far, a long long way to run
sew, a needle pulling thread
la, a note to follow sew
tea, a drink with gem and bread

that will bring us back to do oh oh oh

...and now im off to work, i think. sleeping at a parking lot. just to pass time.

transparency

" i love you more than peanut butter loves jelly "

" i love you more than hitting the snooze button "

... nobody, nobody, but you.

ps: love isnt about telling what you do for your other half, but being really in love what you do would be understood and appreciated fully without a passing word. if it isnt, then probably it is better off not being known.

are you, mine?

you are occupying a good sized apartment in my brain. i cant get you out, no eviction notice on the door. i hate the distance between us, body, mind, and soul. i hate that being with you is all that i wanna do, right now. it makes my life seem pointless, i would rather be there. i would rather be doing anything with you. watching your eyes as you look at things. the way you smile at people you encounter, the way you make people smile, the way they smile back. i would be happy and proud just to be that close to you. i would feel special, i could just be there the whole time. i would sleep in, i would make some coffee to get by, and then i could have stomachache for all that i care. i could spend my days thinking about what you are doing, it is not healthy, i know, but that is nothing new.


you have become the thing that keeps me breathing, and at this point, i am just lost. and you know you would win, for whatever.

i miss you.

a passing feeling

i am determined to have an adventure room in my house. the walls will be covered in maps , probably, or beautiful scenes and there will be chests full of books and trinkets that i find on my travels. i will have polaroids stacked on the bookshelves and postcards scattered about, i will have an old record player and there will be records bursting from every available space, there will be a balcony and on that balcony i will have a telescope, i will stargaze every night.

i will fit the entire world into that room. every single speck of beauty that i can find will be tucked away.

my new favorite place in the whole wide world is buried in your sheets, tangled up with you. my new favorite word is my own name rolling off your lips at a whisper. and when im with you it all just melts away. it is all okay.

i want that.

i miss you.

grow old before i die

spot on*

some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you cant have them, but it is worse when you thought you didnt want them anymore and then all of a sudden you realize you cant live without them.

i was like

.....this.

life, for me, is for deep kisses,
strange adventures,
midnight swims,
and random conversations.

...what about you?

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

...okay, i know. my titles are getting longer. i just feel like having long titles, for now. yes.

still, what i want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled -- to cast aside the weight of facts.

...and maybe even to float a little, above this difficult world. i want to believe i am looking into the white fire of a great mystery. i want to believe that imperfections are nothing -- that the light is everything -- that it is more than the sun of each flawed blossom rising and fading.


and i do.

allergic to promises

...people kill hope when they just dont acknowledge those who are hoping, and hope kills when people dont acknowledge that hope bears any significance of being realized anymore. so people kill hope kill people and it goes round an round and round.

meet princess consuela bananahammock!

...yes, as the title suggests (evil-sounding-name) im feeling evil-ish today! by the way, that name was said by phoebe in one of the f.r.i.e.n.d.s. series episode.

what the heart wants is actually very simple. to not forget happy memories, and keep creating new ones.

found this from tumblr, and it made me smile. for a while.

i have learned to find beauty in broken things; i have learned to keep hoping. maybe this world isnt perfect, but there is good in it. and that is what i choose to focus on. i am not powered by fear and hatred, but rather hope and love. what is impure proves there is purity; what is evil proves there is good; what is broken proves there is such a thing as being whole.

i am stranger than fiction

...are you?


i always try to think to myself that in this world, there are always people better than me, in a lot of ways. so i stopped comparing a long time ago and just try to be the best i could be. but sometimes it is just not enough to have that self confidence. i always need reassurance. from you, especially. i dont always get that reassurance. sometimes i feel really down, for no reason. and for the biggest reasons, i can do a lot of things, just because. this randomness will continue, i suppose. and part of me dies a little every time i feel unappreciated.


my body isnt perfect. im not always filled with confidence. i get into fights with my parents and friends. some nights id rather be by myself than out partying. i cry over the smallest things sometimes. there are days that i get through with forced smiles and fake laughs. sometimes i try to convince myself that things are okay when they are not. im not extra ugly but im not extra beautiful either. i dont look as good in real life than i do in pictures, sometimes, and vice versa. there are some nights that i cry myself to sleep. i constantly think im not good enough when negativity starts to run in full-engine-mode. im imperfect, but im perfectly me. just me. take it or leave it. i couldnt be bothered to fill this post with any sugar-and-spice thing, and honestly, im just plain down.


cheers to being understood. have a great wednesday people ; )



ps: i just want to be loved. simple.

bright lights

baby,
if i could somehow harness this feeling you give me, i could power a city. just saying, well, lots of positive and negative energy exuded from this 'thing' we are having here, right?


anyways,


talking about lights, birthday candle lights are adding up every year. great? guess it is not so great, when age is catching up. it only means one thing, you get older. but what is getting older without maturity, or any of the great things an adult can do if it only means addition in the numbers? my twenty first birthday is not even celebrated yet. and matter of fact-ly saying, it aint so much of a big deal, but it means something to the chinese community. i wonder why the number '21'. mind telling me? anybody?

commotion in my head*

...they had better stop. or else! it has been a while since i actually relaxed so much. i worry about petty things. i upset myself instead of having things to upset me by force.

now, trouble, g o a w a y ! : )

this made me smile; so yea, s m i l e with me !