by leaps&over boundaries

so much have changed in the course of only a few short months. it is coming to the end of 2011 already and the second last month of the year now. gosh, what have i made out of my life for this year - i wonder. i think i have settled in a lot of ways, being a little more in control of how to manage things that used to make me emotional and repulsive over the years - i have learnt to slowly loosen up. a little more is a lot, in my dictionary. like, really!

anyways, moving on to bits that really caught me pondering deeper than my usual wandering mind is that i truly believe in the phrase that i have always told others whenever/whatever happens, it will be, if it is meant to be. what could go wrong, if destiny decides to give you choices and you get to go your own way? we shouldnt always think that everything is pre-destined, but just believe a little bit more, and do things that feels right - things will happen the right way even if it might not be what we expect. it should be the right thing. even if it doesnt show now, it shows, later.

i think...

joie de vivre

take chances. tell the truth. date someone totally wrong for you. say no. Spend all your cash! fall in love. get to know someone random. be random. say i love you. sing out loud. laugh at a stupid joke. cry. get revenge. apologize. tell someone how much they mean to you. tell the asshole what you feel. let someone know what they are missing. laugh til your stomach hurts. live life!

overwhelmed

love yourself first and everything else falls into line. you really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. // lucille ball

...had pretty much fully-loaded conversations with the folks and there is so much to consider about. taking chances and feeling what the heart really wants to be at this moment, of this life. so much to look forward to but yet it seems like everything is still a rush. some parts of me is already willing, like since forever, but the other parts are still contemplating whether or not i should pursue any other options.

this is head vs heart, obviously.

we are just happy people saying, 'hi, hello!' and smile.

people are afraid to pursue their most important dreams because they that feel they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to acheive them. we, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever,or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. because when these things happen, we suffer terribly. // paulo coelho, the alchemist

dream beautiful and unusual

im always torn between wanting to tell my story to everyone and let them know exactly what is in my head or keeping it to myself. the problem is being outwardly unhappy and consistently so pushes people away, no matter if they say they are always there to listen, there is only so much your best friends can listen to. on the other hand, to pretend that everything is fine is to poison yourself from the inside out, is to ignore who you are and lose yourself. so which is better? to have friends that think you are melodramatic, seeking attention, and pessimistic, or to drown in your own mind?

slumberdoll

i used to be able to sleep on and on and on like there is no tomorrow but then now all i wanna do is get out and feel the sunshine. well, not always, but habit of waking up for work (have to) automatically sets the body alarm alert at certain time limit. such a pity that we cannot actually accumulate our lack of sleep and replace it on a certain day and time and be awesome and restored back to health again. just saying.

yiktian, the man.

there he is, with his big big smile looking at the cake he already knew that was supposed to be a surprise and the waitress just HAD to ask right smack in front of everybody even after being told to serve after food clearance. pfft. that cake, is another disaster for the night which, i quote macam plaster ! laugh out loud.

so, anyways, it was a good dinner of a good beginning. im so glad everything worked out and things were not awkward at all. it was a waste of time sweating over the little stuff all the time, i figured. next time it would be done with spontaneous flair. everybody's happy, that's the most inportant thing. others can come later.

happy birthday, darling!

-- here's to many many many more happy celebrations to come! xoxo

the day mommy comes home

...the day when there is a lot of goodies and story-telling and everything that mommies do!

excited, and happy. the fact that there will be another person in the house and i could leave them alone and not have to face grumpy dad all by myself. pfft.

peace, amidst the usual nags and all.

but it is worth it.

manic monday

well, right now being mad at two very significant men in my life is utterly exhausting. but i couldnt help it. it made me mad just to start to think about how they actually mess up my mind and body and life, overall! one man, is a lot. two, or more, is too much! hmmph!

on another note, have just completely got back A-okay together with one bff slash girlfriend slash sister and another cold war came up - out of nowhere, in the office! right after that got fixed, all hell breaks loose and im off on a rollercoaster ride that completely overwhelms the emotional frontage. then i made the mistake of not being in control of this overused mind which led me straight onto a downwards spiral from a very loving weekend with the boy. for now, i have almost close to zero clue of what i would do next. might just work my ass off (no, i have to since work is pushing me to the limits like a full powered train coming right towards me). we have to believe that bad things attracts negativity and there you go, my life in the past week wasnt exactly a life worth living. lol.

i have no clue what is actually going through my mind right now. i hate having expectations and then things not turning out the way i hoped they would. im literally going crazy. yes, thank you, for calling me crazy when im about to be thrown on that bandwagon.


p.s. // this is a completely pointless post, i just felt the need to share&vent about how much of a mess i am that i even care about any of this stuff.