brief reflection

all that we see or seen, is but a dream within a dream. // edgar allen poe

i do not know how i should start describing my year 2013. you could safely say that i am extremely lucky to get by with all the physical&emotional pressure that heck, even i myself would not believe if i ever tell the story.

sometimes, in conversations i have with myself i would say, "why bother to watch drama, when my life itself is a great big motion picture with life coverage?" and honestly, what could be better to be the director, producer, and actress in one that goes on and on and on...(though not everything is able to be edited at all, so the director/producer position is not at all relevant in this case)

what hurts most does not come from ill meaning comments from others, but non-supportive loved ones. what matters most, is for loved ones to not pass unreasonable judgments without even learning about the truth. if others cut, loved ones' ignorance bluntly kills.

what i learnt during my lowest moments, i bring on my way up - especially people who were there. thank you. you all know who you are, people who will always have a special place in my heart&life.

post-hiatus talk

to decide if he is worth it -- is like poking needle on free air. aimless, but not totally clueless. what decides a person's worth? what concludes a reason, whatever it may be? what makes one totally disposable, after all it took to get into the relationship?

all relationships require work, but not all relationships deserve it. we should ask ourselves are we naturally drifting apart?

reason being, simple, sometimes some relationships reach a natural end.

we should ask ourselves if we are sure at all that it is worth the fight because sometimes panic can drive us into saving a relationship even when we are not really into it anymore.

we can find great relationships with people we ordinarily never would have considered. they just might be someone worth having in your life. worth having does not determine the duration of the relationship, but it might as well be a proper justification that one could go far - as to have its worth.

so, sometimes being against our better judgment good things could appear. 

i try not to put arbitrary limits on myself&partner based on what other people suggest. if i am dating, i just date. whatever that goes wrong, or right, i rely on my own instincts to let the relationship take its natural course. i think dating should proceed naturally; we should never have put an expiration date on it. there are no actual standard timeline for a relationship to work out. every relationship is unique to its respective lovers. take Rose&Jack from the well-known Titanic. the timeline for their relationship from meeting till death do them part, is less than a week all in all! talk about now&forever...


yes, i have split from my supposedly forever-love for almost a year now. he is happily (i assume) married with a beautiful girl now. i wish him well.

...and my next forever-love, just happened. let's choose joy, today, and now. just live.

a story

...when i was a little girl i used to read fairy tales. in fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he is everything you ever wanted. in fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. the bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. you realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he is not easy to spot; he is really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.

now, are you still dreaming?

i know i do.