often, times when people comment me for holding my head up and showing strength in the face of death and loss, i speculate exactly what it means to be strong. im surviving every day, but what does that survival entail? from the moment i open my eyes each morning to the minute i close them once again, there is only one thing on my mind. distractions are great, sure, but only for the time being. it is only a matter of time before i find myself alone, and thinking about you, once again. i have never been faced with such a significant loss before. friends--that i once had.
so, i guess what im trying to figure out is if the strength you all constantly refer to, is the manner in which i carry myself, or the fact that i have yet to post a video of me sobbing, with make-up running down my cheeks? because i do cry, a lot i guess. late at night, in the middle of the day, any time i can safely shed my tears without troubling those around me. i dont need to tell you guys that every minute i spend crying, or that i cry at all, because i know you guys can feel it through my writing. i would rather you read the good things about us, and feel for yourself the relationship we had.
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