WING-less angel(s)

all. that. crap!

everybody should stop living on magnifying glass! how many of us actually pay attention to the big picture?

Sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.Being lonely, being alone, for many people...sucks; but still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with. Maybe a happy ending doesn't include someone, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future.


And maybe the happy ending is just moving on.


Or maybe the happy ending is this; knowing after all the unreturned understandings, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment...you never gave up hope and waited for the sun to shine through and it is a brand new day with brand new people to meet again.

life is too short to wake up with regrets. so love the people who treat you right. forget about the ones who dont. although everybody is equal and noone is unworthy of care and love, there are just so much we can do about people who are not true and unworthy of our understandings anymore. believe everything happens for a reason. if you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. if it changes your life, let it. nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. like i said, things wont be easy, but i just promised myself i would make it all worth while. for as long as it can be...

"Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you cant get them back."
but for a person more than a friend, i'm so gonna tie him to my heart so i never lose him, EVER!

this.is.my.side.of.the.tale...yours?

so...

common sense...is not so common nowadays.

i am unable to collect my thoughts into beautifully written sentences. let alone speak with proper tone sometimes.when exactly have i done that anyway?

even after much bickering between friends and foes, the light still shines on the indifferent wall. I find myself in the middle of an eye, watching myself in its blank stare. it was that simple. me.watching.myself.period.

losing something or someone special is a very painful experience. no matter how good or how bad that lost of connection is, it always leaves the bearers feeling blue. it is inevitable. I always think the best experiences are the spontaneous ones. being random isnt so bad. just. very. damn. random. :) and i have found my very own spontaneity. and he rocks! *grins*

okay, i know that things doesnt really relate to one another in my posts, sometimes even to each paragraphs. but whatever it is, they are conveyed. in words. english. so be it :)



carpe diem ♥

i am, me!

i was thinking about how things used to be so easy, then it dawned on me that they were never meant to be easy; but difficulties were being suppressed all along. does it make any sense to you? no? well, then too bad. just like celebrities being overshadowed by fame and attention, some people are showered by too much affection and care. it was the overprotective measures that sometimes suffocate oneself, instead of the growing with love. being overly-loved is sometimes breaking one's character, which i find very pitiful.

some people do live in non-fancy-schmanchy environment where all things come together without any over-the-top loving gestures. and some are pampered with the said actions, and cannot take a 'no' for anything. how big is the difference, actually?

everyday, we see people. different types of people, all around us. but have we really thought about how similar yet different their life is compared to ours? what i thought about when i am all alone in a crowd is that i am so much better than some people but in the same time i am so much worse also. okay, let me get this straight in better sentences. hmm, i guess that some times i just dont realize all the good things that i have in me without actually seeing others who have so much less and being in situations so much worse than me. of course, nobody would have wanted to live in anything less than another, which provokes competitions and random fights for every single thing arguable on the planet. envy-causing things makes way for radical injustice everywhere, and breaks away closeness but create gaps in society. i guess having less isnt so bad as to fighting and being an unknown monster to get what i want. maybe, i am meant to be so much less intelligent. or maybe very very very out of place because im not glamorous, or filthy rich, or drop-dead-gorgeous to fit into some kind of very formidable group of people.

ahh, it happens or not it is not for me to decide. but one thing for sure, i am left to being myself; because everybody else is taken.

:) life is, this much easier.....

take.me.away!

ever stop to think, and forget to start again? i did. and it wasnt the most pleasant experience, yet it wasnt the worst either. it feels just in between that good or bad line. i figured that in most situations, not thinking is a perfectly sane thing to do. i can fit exceptionally well in one of those times when you feel like there is like lots of people around but you just feel so at peace. well, meditation. three minutes a day would make you feel good about everything. even if the world's crushing on you that very moment. just separating myself from the rest of everything and zone off for a bit, listening to only my own heartbeat and breathing; make believe that nothing else is around is so very soothing. to me, at least.

earth is the insane asylum for the universe. so dont take life too seriously, cuz nobody will be coming out of it alive. think of it this way, consciousness as the annoying gaps between naps. then it all would have made perfect sense, no matter how very logical you are.


ha-ha-ha.

today's topic: sarcasm

copy cats.

sarcastic jerks.

frustrated, angry stares.

*rolling eyes*

their mere presence jerks me whenever and wherever. they may be vaguely aware that people do mind about their pointless sarcasm, but things never change. it is effing annoying that these people still exists! testing patience, really! ugh~ why cant people just be nice and kind and make the world a better place just by living a life?

okay, today is a beautiful day. (note the sarcastic tone)

stupid is me, to be reluctant to say 'no' to certain things that for sure would hurt in one way or another. i would give a lot to take back my spoken words sometimes. just some of the times...

sleeping on it, helps decision making. though, sleep nowadays is a luxury and it is not that overrated afterall. how i managed to really sleep without a care in the world in just months before becomes a mystery to me now. like i didnt know who i am even moments before this. see how things change.

i quote; 'change is the only permanence in the world.'

no, it doesnt count!

does facial expressions gives out on individuality and identity?


i personally doubt that. reason being appearance doesn't contribute to evidence? blame me for being illogical, or maybe stupid for that part. i don't find it a tad convincing that physical things tells the truth sometimes. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. which is true, when we consider the significance of remembering worthless crap we accumulate every single day- regardless of the importance of it all. pfft~

that, a game*?

sometime i wonder...

someone could die from heartbreak;
some people break hearts.

someone could be endlessly depressed;
some people can really be a pain in the ass and make things worse.

someone could cry a river;
some people just stand and stare. heck they'd even add a few snide remarks!

so,

...where is the gone?

...what are the rights?

...how does things happen? (i do, still question this to everything)

...why are there such things to even be mentioned about?

...what have gone wrong?



maybe, just maybe there was never an existence of the things we often make a big fuss about.

maybe it was the air all along...maybe!

happiness*

different people defines happiness differently.

these are some quotes i got from the net that i could relate to about happiness being told in different ways;


Albert Camus:

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.

Albert Schweitzer:

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

Amy Lowell:

Happiness: We rarely feel it.
I would buy it, beg it, steal it,
Pay in coins of dripping blood
For this one transcendent good.

Charles Schulz:

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?

H.H. the Dalai Lama:

Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others' actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others' activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others.

Mark Twain:

Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.

Margaret Bonnano:

It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis.

W. Beran Wolfe:

If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator.

this one is the one i love most :)

“Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…”– Thoreau

happiness...

some is shown externally and it radiates to the people around. some are shown through personal feelings. feel good moments that lasts a lifetime are reflected from day to day basis in the conduct, emotions and temper of a person. i personally think uplifting happiness is very helpful when there is certain uneventful moments, times that you can reminisce and smile. just because...

the reason*

one thing happens after another, and one linked to another, and voila; the mixture of sugar sweetness and cold blooded-ness. marriage lets you annoy one special person, for the rest of your life. ;) this is too cute! well, not the part about annoying, but the combination of the annoyer and the one being annoyed is amusing to me.

there will come a day when you feel like shit, and you will wanna give up on this life and everything else. when that day arrives, save yourself some trouble and dont do a single thing. just breathe*. love is the slowest form of suicide, but the dying the most beautiful death. this is, subjective of course given the fact that noone in the right mind would have actually anticipate death.

l.o.v.e. is just a word, until you have found someone that gives it definition. often, we tend to despair when the people we love leaves us. but the truth is, they never left until you choose to leave the spaces blank in your mind where they belong. love, is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them enough not to.


isn't it funny, when in most girl's profile it is usually about that one boy. but in some boys', there are other girls...



still,

l.o.v.e.


*sigh*

visible doubts*?

...like the Aurora light,
i am shining bright, brighter than the November skies!

i couldnt comprehend well with permanence in life. maybe it's a weakness, but it could be a blessing too. for me, things are far more than what the senses can absorb. i am delicate, i am fragile. but nonetheless i cast shadows too; everywhere i go!

i have the longings, and wants truth to seek and discover myself and all that is within my reach. i've always wanted a simple life. how simple you'd ask. well, it's penniless simple. where everything is like Adam and Eve. i know*! it is radically amusing and is almost impossible even to describe, now, today. but still, i wish there will be more to life...

next year TOday*?

what can you possibly do, when the world turns its back on you?

what can you tell, from the ever changing world that some things just doesnt change?

what was meant to be, if the meaning was never given and was never there to be found?

Too much of anything can make you sick. Even the good can be a curse. Makes it hard to know which road to go down. Knowing too much can get you hurt.bad...


Is it better?
Is it worse?
Are we sitting in reverse?


It's just like we're going backwards...


I know where I want this to go
Driving fast but lets go slow
What I don't want to do is crash, no!


Just know that you're not in this thing alone. There's always a place in me that you can call home. Whenever you feel like we're growing apart. Lets just go back, back, back, back, back to the start...


" Wo men de ai; Guo le jiu bu zai hui lai..."
quote: F.I.R.

lost and found*

the thing about being nonchalant is that i'd say, i'll have a time-lag for everything. this attitude would bring slow appreciations towards all things good or bad, big or small. well, appreciation comes in a lot of different forms though. and having to see things slowly and all, good thing is that you'd look through everything and likes what you see. the down side is that it takes up too much time, and by the time you start appreciating--things changed or is already gone.


people have formulas for almost everything on the face of the earth. we not only find solutions, but i do find that we actually make things a tad more complicated by thinking alone. the act of thinking makes things more difficult before things are being sorted out. EVERYTHING needs an overhaul, often. cuz all things break and fall; sooner or later!


incorrigible differences are meant to be that way! forcing things to work is just a waste of time, or rather, time fooling us all along...

folksy sentiments*

helplessly attracted. i dont know why i am...

i'll make a wish and send it straight to the heavens above. and moonbeams and fairytales, never seem so real. a life you dont live is still lost, and you'll never get the same time and place ever again; even if it could be liven up to someday. imperfections make us who we are, and makes us real. because plastics are invented for a reason. and the fact of it being rigid is just one of it. life shouldnt be lifeless.

hopelessly addicted to you*,
and you to me*.

hmm...sweet nothings ♥

the belief contrasts*

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.


life contains within itself constant turbulence, which does not show on the exteriors of my frame. nothing fancy surrounds me, but i deny being mediocre as well. i am all the fancy-ness ;) i believe that i can do so much, and feel so much. maybe i dont, but could you prove me wrong?


i am happy and content. i've got a list of things i could be proud of, and a list more of things i've left behind that has been a part of me- a part of who i am today. what could be better, than a complete change that you could totally comprehend? i used to doubt there is perfection in things, well, maybe it's an 80% belief. but i do believe in it now that i have found my very own peace of mind, having perfections to call my own. :) i'm a believer, that there are such things as perfect solitudinary state, and being extraordinary at the same time. shift me into this beautiful fixation...and keep me here and now, for i can only have so much. and so much means everything, to me. so go ahead and try, try to look me in the eye. but i bet you could never see inside until you realize there is just some things that are ought to be happening this way...if it is with or without you, i'd still dont need you doubting me. in any ways at all, it was my choice; it was never a stage play of yours.


i'd wake up in the morning, and tell myself that everything is gonna be alright. and i know it will, just because. i'll probably wake up a little sad, but i get up and let go of it all instead. cuz it was never understandable for me to dwell in things i never knew why it matters so much. talk about clarity; to me it means butterflies in the skies ;)


who knows what could happen?
do what you do and keep on laughing...

unfathomable

some things just simply has no answers, so why even bother asking? illusions never change into something real, we all are superficial at some point but was never meant to be plastic. to sweet beginnings and bitter endings, we borrowed heaven--and nobody needs to know! *smiles*


we all have different shades of mundane, and cravings never fade. living in impeccable logic is a bore. sometimes, just sometimes i let go and you let loose. we, then, make a perfect pair.


time is enough for hard questions
time enough for all our fears
time is tougher than we both know yet
time enough for tears...


all beauty all fade away, borrowed
all moonlight, return today, borrowed
all sunrise all shooting stars, borrowed



you'll get by, you always have before...always. ♥

procrastinate now*?

of all the things that matters, time is the biggest nuisance.

you cant have more of it, and you cant get rid of it either! what annoys you more than having something you cannot alter in any way at all, but to be a slave of? we all have age, time limit, day-night, in short; a number to everything. and it only continues counting. it will forever proceed to keep you going, never will it be stopped, nor it is reversible. how magical it is, that something unchangeable in any way and yet will still be going on and on and on. now that's what you call forever!

making the most of MONdays*

dreadful isn't it, that Monday is the start of the week?

or some would insist that Sunday is the first day of the week.

the mention of both days doesn't make any sense to me, because the days of the week keeps repeating without an end. like a circle, how could you tell the starting point? there is an end to everything, literally. we could either take it as it is or make believe that it never exists; and live happily as always ;) anyhow, there still should be some kind of limit that we should at least prepare ourselves for, in this lifetime. well, we might as well greet each day as a brand new day; start or end of the week. whichever comes first in our very own time line. that should do OUR days justice. hmmm...

everyday i count my blessings, of having the things i have, and doing the things i am able to do. (although there are times that i become so self-absorbed that i missed all the little details and becomes the ultimate pain in the ass*) i am lucky, considering i can still whine* about almost anything--including the days of the week. pfft~ some people can only count the days to be alive, or maybe goes through hell just living through another day in certain harsh conditions that is unknown to me.

tsk tsk tsk

i am an accidentally whiner.

pardon me please :)

miserable at best

the little things.

gets me going. like whoa*

things to remember,
things to cherish,
things to clear,
thing to keep.
of all things of things,
have we really put thoughts about their importance?


like really...


there are always sequences in everything.

and in everything, the response take place on the subconscious, emotional state.

my way of symbolism of things that appeals to me on an emotional level where all emotions converge, are plain; with colorful imprints! each one is subjected to my flavor of justification, and rely on my representations. they may suggest a hint of sophistication, yes; cliche it might be but the familiarity conforms bits and pieces of memories --created a dream come true kinda reality. for me. yes. for me!

it doesnt matter

not everyone is convinced and is able to hold strong onto something without certain particular reason or having a pillar of strength. anyone could be insecure, not anyone could pull through and holds on in a tough situation. especially a 'she', which is known for its emotional dependence.

the decadence of feelings could happen, and often it is not on the freewill of the owner. rather it should be perceived as the absence of security or happiness, at a glance.i should say that people does not forget, but the heart has a way of considering options that could redefine the meaning that the person is looking for...even though it means having to wander aimlessly for sometime, it helps by widening the options and the way of seeing things. but if in between *stars collide* well then it is just her luck ;)


...at the risk of offending, anyone who doubts that the issue is serious can contribute to the passiveness that allows the problems to expand. XD

smile*

...our favorite packed sandwiches, the savory soup, and a beautiful sunny afternoon. with the view of the breaking waves at the shore- - our very own complete lunch.

a memorable day is just how we make it. every single day is a blessing given to us to cherish. and there's not one second worth for us to be frowning over. what else can we possibly be miserable about and frown upon when we are still breathing warm breaths on a living planet. owh, and it takes much more facial muscles to frown than to smile. which is why it's a very exhausting meaningless thing to do!


i smiled*
just because
i don't know what the hell is going on (:


Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? that is just about what we all do every time! we get sick of things too fast (well, not all-- but majority will) and blames life for sucking the hell out of us. what...? and when we get what we think we wanted, we reminisce and wanting the things of the past all over again. this goes on and on and on.

us...typical HUMAN*

good riddance, weeds*

everybody feels down sometimes.

it is very unusual to be happy everyday. but having to be upset for days on ends, it's starting to take over your life.at one point, i chose to detach myself.

completely.

i think...

my definition of care is; to accept gracefully the things you cant change, to have the courage to change the things that you know you must, and to develop the ability to know the difference.

obsessiveness. possessiveness. constant pressure. verbal? emotional? physical? makes no difference anymore. was just, so tired of clinging to irrelevant associations to what has passed. i couldn't put my mind to rest. but amidst all these emotional struggles, maybe things are just not meant to be. that's the only logic explanation to all the hypocritical retorts we've been having. yea, this must be it. hmm.

regrets are a waste of time.
they're the past crippling you in the present.

never am i going to let myself feel oppressed like that again.

my choice.
right or wrong, i moved on.

sunshine*

i accidentally delete-D my old blog of 4yrs *gasps*

...and i finally found time to actually create another blog, but why?

i found out that my blog actually keeps me grounded, apart from just being a medium for me to pour my heart out in unreasonable sentences with little unconvincing words. oh well, whatever holds me in reality and fantasy!

the blog is mostly about stuff* that pops out from my faraway mind-- (hysterical laughter and nonsensical ramblings included), and to balance it off, other un-fun stuffs like a couple of battles between sane and insanity, between rationality and emo-ness (yes, sometimes it surfaces. humiliatingly.), between company and solitude...

all those, and all that is in between...


i feel safe.


maybe it's the typings.
or maybe it's the words formed and danced into sentences?
perhaps it's the glimpse of all those things happy or sad...

my mind travels. FAR . sigh*

to a new start, for everything.....

Fill my little world

one day,
one day i'll wake up to something rare.

one day,
one day i could use a fresh beginning too.

someday,
in that one day, i'll be high.
high on amusement of how peculiar my life turns out to be.

oh how amazing then, all the beauties come flashing through.
there'll be no time for nonsense, just beauty in the breakdowns...

with good faith i await,
for the coming of what is real and lasting...

my anticipation,
with high hopes,
fill my little world with all that's good and sane*

life is fragile.

i am fragile.

i am now; an adult.
accountable to things other than myself? yes? no? maybe so...

when again will i be...
wide eyed, willing and ready?

can i face my fears?

will i be able to have that very conscience to deal with those very instincts that make me decide on things?

can i lose,
and then find the strength to come back...for more?

can i still anticipate the future,
knowing the possibilities of death and having circumstances in the midst?

what has had you pumping with adrenaline,
and yet brings you down low?

what has made you held your head high,
yet was not able to make you see things that are important?

what in reality gives you life,
and yet literally suffocates you like nobody's business and has noone noticing?

who would make all things worthwhile,
and brings meaning to this otherwise mundane life?

i could do so much more.
everyone could, if they would.
there is always so much that a person can take up to.
but with faith and hope, things could go a longgg way.


our existence is inevitably a divine creation that violates the law of men,
and upholds the inner spirituality that we possess- - each and every one of us; with or without our realization.

nevertheless,
the notion of just being, cannot be, (in a way) binding us to what has to be and what's NOT to be.

we,in our own minds and senses decide and progresses.

whatever it is, a second later is still going to be a second later.

yesterday will still remain yesterday...

and all that was left of, will forever be pieces that forms us; flesh and blood, at the end of our time.