have you ever?

...really see?

in this frame, i see you. in this frame, too, i see myself within you. but it is neither good nor bad. sometimes, in some situations; that may be what i need, but this is what i want.

there are things i want that i will never get. there will always things i need that i have already have but never realized. there is gonna be voids that i may never be able to fill. these things, will always be happening with or without my conscience. and yours, as well...

what or who am i in my previous life, if there is a previous life or lives before and after now? i am curious, but am also afraid to find out as many things i have already known today freaks me out so much that what happened yesterday or is going to happen tomorrow doesnt appeal as much anymore...


what about you? do you crave for things that you dont understand? are you not curious about all the clear and in the dark, those you know and dont know, those you knew but didnt know enough?

in between*

yes. i feel like in between situations right now. in between myself and the world. in between people. in between here and there. in between past and present *duh* (and yes, im getting dull day by day just by being in between things)


this, i couldnt control.


things like the coming of age, weddings (sweet, but...), ceremonies, et cetera kinda freaks me out a bit now. it makes me wonder why did i like them so much in the first place.

some of the times i think to myself that i have my own channel. some other times, i am the wrong channel girl. i never knew which suited me more. but it was all normal till i think about it. yea. i know. useless right? i still have that thought no matter what. just waiting for the right time for the right things to exist that would make me live in perpetual bliss. yea. that would do. for now. *keeping that in mind*



so, why dont you tell me something i dont already know?

unpredictable

..guess that is life altogether. however we judge, however we think that life has its course that we could keep up with, it is all wrong.

what is left of the past, what is seen of things right now, here, is all in between the past and the present. needless to say, we are all living in a box that we made for ourselves. logical?

i say we all should not have any inhibitions, but rather just fear for the life ahead and behind us. as there should never be things in the way right now right here, or else, what is there to life then?


live life love.

think it is cliche?

*scratch that thought, too*

just like that

...my heart is stolen.


just like that, a heart is broken.

just like that, things happen.

a lot of things are just like that...





what about me? am i, just like that too?

insecurity

today, i found out that i am extremely insecure when it comes to my feelings pouring out. sometimes i just do not know what to do with it. i do not know how to deal with it. it just happens, without reason sometimes i think im insane.


you would say it is abnormal for someone to be like that. you would have said it is unnecessary to have thoughts like that. you will think that i am over-exaggerating.



i am not amused. really. am not.

just because

being obsessive, sometimes, is good.









it gives you time to actually love something or somebody wholeheartedly, till one day you wake up from that dream (or better still, becomes reality)


just because...

different*

authenticity is rare, nowadays. and being unique isnt all that special anymore because everybody now knows their self worth(most of the time) and isnt at all that bothered being different anymore.

subtlety does not become me.

how about you?

conversation gone awry

...pfft i should really keep my mouth and mind shut before i burst into inextinguishable flame.




like any other red-blooded girl, i just couldnt resist asking questions and getting them answered. i am in a daze most of the time when people arent just as informative as they should be. am i the only one who seeks to know? or is it too much to ask?


sometimes the only way to get what i want is to stay in silence. things will automatically reveal itself after a painful waiting period. i guess i would rather die than to wait for every single time i seek an answer. (call me impatient, i AM!)

my mood-swings is amazing *roll eyes*, alternating between calm and scary very quickly. yes, indeed, im subjected to a very rapid rise of blood pressure and physical statics, even from sitting still. this proves i cant be left alone, maybe not for too long yea? oooh that is nothing new... about me. pfft

ps: does chivalry still exist? i believe in its existence, but i doubt it prevailed in men today. *big sigh*

mind-less?

how these five fingers merge with the other five. how songs collide. it is amazing how words intertwined and formed into beautiful melodies. even the wrong words seem to rhyme. im not blue, im not naive. im just down to find a better part of me. it doesnt really matter what i do. i get lost in my own train of thoughts. sometimes i just cant help it. believe it or not, sometimes i do find myself living and moving in my awesomely-made-up-dream in reality. having this mind is a wonderful thing actually...

till it happens

i wanna runaway, just, run.

"let go, it is alright.
there is beauty in the breakdown. "

such boundless pleasures are not a certain stairway to heaven. always, i keep a personal note on the limits to have, and restrictions in order. it weakens me to know such, and maybe turning away from all that will help.

it will be amazing,
these thoughts and intentions made real.


if ever...

people

i wonder why everybody has a clique. why cant everybody says hi to everybody, or everybody just speaks to everybody without ulterior motives? why must everybody be separated into groups? i know you, you know him, he know her, and we all know everybody else but just different. you just dont go to the other person and be nice.


it isnt any different from high school where you have the jocks, the nerds, the popular, and so on so forth. there will always be discrimination and status or standards classifications on each other.


discrimination exist everywhere and every time, whether we like it or not. it is something non-exclusive that everybody endures or go through at every stage of life i suppose. it doesnt start anywhere and it doesnt end. it just goes round and round and round.




well then, tell me where there is a perfect world where everybody just loves everybody.


guess that will be freaky huh? :(

soundtrack of the season

i have always been stupid-ly settling for the second best, what i thought could grow to become love someday. people whom i cared for, but didnt make my heart flutter. im not talking about your usual butterflies-in-your-tummy kinda thing. im speaking of the burst of hope that flutters in your tummy(or maybe it is in the mind) that makes your whole body tingle. when you know in that moment, that you are in love. ♫♪♫♫♪♫♪♪


i have been thinking a lot about timing, fate, and chance lately. a conversation with a girl friend recently made me remember a lot of things, and in turn made me realize how ridiculous a lot of things has been for me- as much as i have been trying to deny it.


you know,

i believe that sometimes in life you get just one chance with a particular person. a second chance is rare, and it almost never happens.

...and as i was thinking, all it takes is for that one person to make me believe that i could find love, someday :) (seriously)



someday i will get over things, things that makes me cringe at the very thought of them. it has become strangely repetitive for me, how i hurt and heal like that. maybe up to a point of numbness sometimes. crap.


but just so you know,

...that once upon a time in my life, you have made my dreams come true.

treble&clef

life is so much different than i thought it is. love, too. i have always believed in fairytales. but it isnt like that in real life. i guess that is why they call it fairytale and reality. those are two very different things.

whether i believe in destiny or not, to me, nothing in this world is for sure. nothing is permanent. only change, perhaps.

i still want my fairytale ending. do you?



*musical instruments* playing


...then comes


*acoustic music*


okay................wrap it up! good day to all! :)

hopeful*

i just found out that fidgeting is good actually. i know that is irrelevant from the title i posted, but this is what i actually wanted to say;

there is always good news and then a bad news follows.

it is always like that, happens to me, and happens around me as well. i wonder why it is that way. is it the balance of nature or is it just that, making us happy then miserable again. what is it for, the good news when in the end some bad news surfaces and that initial good news means nothing more than just a short happiness? or is it only me, always hoping for more, always hard to be pleased with good things that comes my way?


hmm....keeps me wondering why.

but am still hopeful...

magic mirror*

how do we possibly know our destiny?

who are we destined to be? who is going to be our destined other-half? what are we destined to do or see? all this destiny questions, so little time to discover and live up to. who are we to choose or be chosen for? what is fate, what is destiny when in the end you dont even know whether it is really for you, that destiny. true?

why does somebody have to be in this life?


family

friends

acquaintances

enemies

passerby-s

...people




who are all these people?

the signs?

is the whistle blowing for me to stop? is the silence a sign for the future? what could be better, this or havoc caused by emotional instability?

i do not know, i do not understand what it is like to really have that warm feeling anymore. people who needs anger management, i get to be with them all the time. well then why do i still have to stay? why does it always happen that i dont get to choose what to do, instead i have remained in silence that it almost breaks me apart. i dont work this way, i am never used to suppressing things. but i had, for nothing. all this, i only get more intoxicated- without a cure.


are they signs that i should just call it quits?


so tell me, what is it? what is the things that blows your mind but at the same time keeps you off guard and all that? i would love to know...



Mondays are the worst. today is.