she was a wild girl & there is grass in her hair

maybe things dont happen for a reason. maybe we are just grasping for ways to make sense of the chaos around us. maybe we are giving meaning to things that has no meaning. maybe we are clinging to hope so hard that we forget about reality. what if we are wrong and nothing is meant to be? we are just lost souls wandering endlessly, desperately seeking comfort from the notion that things will work out in the end no matter what. what if we have tricked ourselves into believing that everything will be okay in the end just so that we dont have to face the reality that maybe it wont?

there is only one man that stays forever in my heart, ever! my father. he has been my confidante over anything serious or not, being the person i tell silly things to and get scoldings from. i can tell him everything, well, almost everything and i expect the best from him. sigh. maybe the only person greater than him is God and that doesnt come close to being a person. God is a being greater than anything, yes?

so, here i am with a man i deem fit to be my other half for the rest of my journey...

i am scared, most of the time actually. being attached to someone or something that you have no idea of how long it is going to last is freaking me out all the time. once in a while the fear fades because i find something else to obsess with my time, short breaks from the craziness of fussing over this love, but sufficient to keep me sane for a bit.

it is rare you find that guy who is more than just your boyfriend. you tell him anything and everything, from your deepest secrets to what you ate for breakfast. you laugh about stupid things together, kiss like its your first time, and love without limits. he is your trust, keeper of your heart and best of all, bestfriend. dont let him go.

one thing

...that never stops and is constantly changing is time.

only time never waits. only time changes you&me. only this one thing. it heals and it hurts.

ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? what measure of time is enough to be life-altering? is it four years, like high school? one year? an eight-week walking tour? can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? we are always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead, but when you are young, one hour can change everything.

there are all kinds of ways to force yourself to decide. we do it all the time, make decisions. if we actually thought about every decision we made, we would be paralyzed. which word to say next. which way to turn. what to look at. which number to dial. you have to decide which decisions you are actually going to make, and then you have to let the rest of them go. it is the places where you think you have a choice that can really mess you up.

25th July

people say its crazy, to fall so hard so fast. but i was blind to the world when it came to him.

we have had our trials and tribulations, as every relationship. it has been a very hard, very overwhelming past year. he has been my rock, my foundation, my stability. there is not a single day iwill not say that i am head over heels, infinitely in love, with this boy.

i told myself if i ever fall in love again, i would be careful.

i dont want to believe that fate brought us together, or that we were made for one another, or that we were soulmates. i want us to be together because we choose to be together, because we both believed that us was more important than just you&i, because our story revolved around the words to be continued… rather than that cop-out happily ever after.  i want us to be diligent and tedious and dedicated, because at the end of the day i never wanna think that this relationship was anything less than what i had worked for, what i had put in. that quote is my reminder everday, that he is worth it.

the war of love

i love you forever,

to you this i swore:

i will quiet your silent screams,

help heal your shattered soul

until once again,

my love, you are whole.