lately, i have been trying to make myself busy, put on nice clothes and mascara, go out and about, to keep my mind off things. i choose positive vibes for my life, and just that, when i can. well, i would try to always make it a habit. i choose my company by the beating of their hearts not the swelling of their heads. besides, i would rather forget the days we spent than try to stay afloat in shallow water. all these, sometimes, just for a peace of mind.
and every time, there is noone telling me that everything is gonna be okay. yea, maybe the occasional parental-nags telling me to get over being afraid for nothing. sometimes, even a lie would sound really good and i would feel better rather than being forced to feel okay. that was, back then, when im young and naive. now, i found out that i stopped checking for monsters under the bed when i realized they were all inside of me. it was all in my mind. and half of the time i have been scared is because i didnt want to face my own fear. having family now would mean more than just the nagging, they would be much more like a pillar of strength when im at the end of my wits. they would be a rock, where the harshest waves could break on. maybe it might not show so much, or they might not be the closest or the warmest sometimes, but that position where they stand would never ever be replaced.
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