the way i get myself to forget

you are brighter than the stars, believe me when i say that you are the light of my life. my dear, there is just no need for words when you truly understand this from the heart. i am, in every single way adoring you with my whole being but that doesnt really mean i am letting you trample all over me without self-control. just saying.

i have tried to tell the world that doesnt exist in order to make it exist. the joy of familiar distance. the peace of familiar restlessness. as during high fevers, the delight of feeling nothing.

i have tried to keep the world at a distance. it has been easy. im used to keeping the world at a distance. i am strange. at times i am strange. that way i forget the world. the way i vent by crying and raging, all to myself. that way, my world becomes white and inconsequential.

...and i wander where i will. and i stand completely still. that way i get used to being dead - for all that is worth. for me to lay still and not be understood but not to be saddened by the fact that i am not being understood, at all.