cosmiques

i think love is a feeling.

it is that feeling you get when you know you are going to see that person.

you are always counting down the minutes, the hours, the days, or even the months until you will see them again because you love that feeling you have when you are with them. you know, that butterfly, giggly, warm, this-smile-is-never-gonna-leave-my-face feeling.

love is a feeling of perfect happiness and contentment.

being in their arms means that everything will be okay and even if it is really not going to be, you get a feeling that they will do whatever they can to make it be, or just try to make you feel better. it is that feeling that you are loved for who you are and you love them for who they are, every bit of them, no matter how obnoxious or out of character they may seem at times.

it is about how you love to brag about them and annoy your friends(in good humor). it is about how they are the first one you want to talk to when anything good or bad happens. and how you are always learning something new, no matter how long you have been dating.

it is about changing and being a new person, not necessarily changing your ways or who you are, but wanting to be different and a better person simply because that person is in your life and you want to be everything to them.

ps: i know i write about love, a lot. i cannot even say that i know love inside out nor i can say that i am experienced enough to write about it. but how can you ever measure the love you have felt? what you and i have experienced can never be compared with. i am just relating to the relative things that i have felt, and is feeling, at times when i think that i am in love...

love is a funny thing. you expect it to be easy. you expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. you expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. you expect him to calm you down when you are mad or to chase you when you run away. you expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesnt exactly match up with all your plans. but that is the thing. love isnt a plan. it doesnt have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.

love happens; it is so incredibly messy. people around you cant comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they cant see. they cant see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you are in love. it is inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we cant live without it. what you dont learn is how hard love is. how much work it takes. how much of ourselves we have to put into it. how it isnt worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.

love isnt him calming you down when you raise your voice. (although i would very much love this) but it is him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. it isnt him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. it is after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning(i wish) anyway. it is not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. so no, it is not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. it is her standing there, admitting she is just as scared as you are. you have to remember that with love, you are not the only one involved. you have unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. do what you will. mash it into mince meat. or forget i ever handed it to you. as long as you have it.

maybe i have already taken to heart, accepting what it is like to be really living with the person i love, rather than expecting movie-like drama everyday. hmm....

it makes us crazy. it makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldnt cross. because love isnt about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. it is about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. and it is a hell of a lot better, than being a hundred percent happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling happy and feeling whole.

pps: ....having described a lot of what i think and feel of love here, makes me realise that i have a lot of expectations. with those description, i actually just found out that i have those in mind that i didnt acknowledge before. it might not have been happening, or happened, but it might happen...if i believe. yet, that idea might change and there are a lot of things going on in my head that i havent really figured out just yet. i hope it is all good, though. thank you for reading. my gibberish (: