pep talk

someone will always be prettier. they will always be smarter. their house will always be bigger. they will drive a better car. their children will do better in school, and their husbands will fix more things about the house. so let it go, and love yourself and your circumstances. think about it: the prettiest women in the world have turmoils in their home, and the highly favoured woman at your job may be unable to have children. the richest woman you know, she has got the car, the house, the clothes - might be lonely. and the world says if i have no love, i am nothing. so again, love who you are. look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say i am blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed. winners make things happen; losers let things happen.

.la douleur exquise.

i want to be with a guy i can engage in intellectual, deep conversations with. i need a guy from the movies. but guys like that dont exist in real life.

they really dont. but sometimes, if you are lucky enough, you find something better than the movies. love exists, i promise you that. just have patience and dont go looking for it. once you stop searching, love falls right into your lap. until then, have fun, and dont take anything too seriously. it is only life...

that girl

i know this girl, he said, “and she is beautiful but she doesnt know it. she is funny, she is a cool person to hang out with, she holds deep conversation, she knows how to take a joke, and when she smiles her eyes get so chinky and it is so cute. sometimes she is really slow and clumsy and she always seems to hurt herself somehow. but I like her stupidity, it makes my day. And when she’s upset, she can’t ever hide it no matter how hard she tries. she has this laugh that is quite addictive, it will make you want to laugh along with her. she is always laughing and smiling, she is like a ray of warm sunshine that melts my heart. i love everything about her. her scent, her likes and dislikes, the way she complains, the cute logo tee she wears, and her modesty. what i do wish for her to change is her lack of self confidence, a girl like her should believe in herself. she would do anything to make her friends and other people gain confidence and feel good about herself but what she doesnt know if that she deserves more credit than she gives herself. one day, i hope she looks in the mirror and see what i see - her flawless beauty. "

-- ming liu

dont you just melt when someone say this whole shit to you? awww.......

girly thought

dont spend every moment arguing with the ones you love,

it just might be the last moment you will share.

-- quote.

ever since i was small i loved feeling somebody comb my hair. mommy used to do it everyday back when i was schooling. it made me go all sleepy and peaceful and loved. were there anything that you loved about your childhood, being the girl or the boy that you are? do you sometimes think about it and missed doing the same things again every now and then?

unforeseen circumstances

i actually wonder if all everybody does is actually sincere. are you sincere? is it all real? i wonder about a lot of things, yes, up until today. i wonder, and i still ask a hell load of questions.

to me, my illusions on self-confidence have answered several questions on why smart people think highly of themselves. on why athletic people are mainly proud (and some, too proud) of their physical appearance capabilities. on why model-like women carry their head up high as if they are giraffes looking at the vast horizon, and on why the creative and the misunderstood tend to concoct things for their fulfillment. confidence is finding something to love about yourself. in my case, not so much about myself at all. as conceited and pitiful as it may sound, i create things around myself to love.

...and that, creates my self-confidence, and happiness.

all month long

i wanted to memorize every detail, play it back in slow motion, and make it last forever.

we loved with a love that was more than love.

-Edgar Allan Poe

there are no perfect relationships. love doesnt exist the way it is depicted in the movies. love, as portrayed in film, is a fallacy. an illusion. this is, perhaps, the best explanation for our constant disappointment and failed relationships - our persistence to obtain something that just doesnt exist. no relationship is perfect, because no living being is perfect. try as we may, we will never find that guy who says all the right things at exactly the right time, every time. love is not perfect, and i believe with fiber of my being that every argument, every fight, and every word exchanged between two people contributes to their growth as a couple. with every fight, you learn more about yourself, about him/her, and about your relationship together. together, you establish boundaries, lines that cannot be crossed, and just how far you can push another person before realizing you share their pain. every tear shed not only contributes to the progression of your relationship, but also the growth of yourself. through all of this, you will learn the pain is simply a reminder of just how strong your love is. if it wasnt love, it wouldnt make a difference. it wouldnt matter. no pain, no gain? pfft.

but i will have a little confession to make. i love you, and you are as perfect as i think you to be. your love gives me hope to something better...

blinder than black

i could write a love story and try to convince every single reader that i know what i am talking about. but the truth is, when it comes to love, nobody knows what they are talking about.

there was a single thought in my head : keep thinking. thinking would keep me alive. but now that im alive, thinking is killing me. thinking, the mind, to be specific, is border-less. you could think until the end of time and there would still be more to think about...

i found, YOU!

i found somebody that i could annoy--purposely&permanently, my whole life. and you, darling, are the lucky one!

list of things to do : make a new to-do list!

career--happiness--love--family

(not in any particular order...yet) pfft. i think happiness alone already concluded ALL of the mentioned!

bright lights

you and i, my darling, we are gonna have a big love affair and it might not work but somewhere along the way we would have created history and lots of memories and at least we could tell the world that we have tried. the best part is, these things last longer than you and i added up living. if forever exists, it is there probably forever and more.

chasing skies

at this point, the sky doesnt seem so high anymore. we both seem to be cruising on the freeway, heading somewhere between reality and fairytale. it might end someday, or not, but gosh...we have tried! all that we have been through, is nothing close to what is said and done in fictions. it is a story, real and all that craze.

work has always been a reality checkpoint for me day after day, knowing that i am grounded by something of this life and not merely a dream. everyday, no matter how i feel i get up, get dressed up, and i show up. well, there may be a few exclusions on those extra lazy days when i just feel dead. well, yea, i have lots of those days and that might just kill this career thing someday. now, im gonna wait and wait and wait, no, probably work things out, and then wait. the best is yet to come!

yiktian, you are my superstar!

food for thoughts

never be embarrassed of who you hang out with, or what you do in your free time, or the kind of movies or books you enjoy etc. because no one should or can ever judge you based on what makes you happy. they have no place to for it is your life. but trust me, if you brush them off and dont let them get to you, you will be sure as hell more happier than they are.

bloody

i always prepare for the worst. it so happens that my mind imagines stuff that is so over-the-top sometimes that it makes me cringe at the very vague image. call me paranoid, or even silly, but it is the way i deal with situations, for a while now. every single thing has a worse scenario, in my mind. whether or not it happens, is entirely another thing. for one, i believe that it is a psychology thing having to have a head start when dealing with all things unpredictable. maybe it is a positive mentality, but i figured it could send out negative vibes to those who doesnt understand it about you. people might just call you emo, or maybe says that you think too much. but you cant help it sometimes when you even do it unconsciously...


blardy hell.

short-term memory

maybe i should write out my thoughts more often. but sometimes im thinking a million amazing things at once and then suddenly i remember that i have dark chocolate in the freezer and then my whole thought process collapses and life is all about this dark chocolate.

impermanence

i think that grace and elegance is in the way a girl portrays herself and not shown through status and wealth. i think a comfortable dose of girlishness would go a long way for a miss. being pretty and having closets of pretty things can only get you so much, but not more than what beautiful personality and having a class and pride of being yourself. having said that, i, still have a lot more to learn. knowing people, and learning through experiences all this while, i have had better picture of how to treat myself and others better. well, of course the initial intention is to treat people worthy of good and equal treatment, but why degrade yourself by judging others of their worth? why degrade? i think there is only a thin line separating being judgmental and hypocrisy, thus degrading yourself to that standard of opinion. and so, treating (generally)people with good intentions should be practiced always, but not to the extend of hurting yourself. so therefore, we have got to at least set a limit to not be going overboard on being nice sometimes. these things tend to be taken for granted by some. by saying people who are worthy or not, i dont mean people who are of benefit to you or such. what i am saying is just a my way of generally labeling people who will appreciate your good deed, or not. that, is of course for each individual to decide.

the first thing to understand about the universe is that no condition is good or bad. it just is. so stop making value judgments. the second thing to know is that all conditions are temporary. nothing stays the same, nothing remains static. which way a thing changes depends on you. i think we are like a candle. imagine we are sending light out all around us. all our words, thoughts and actions are going in many directions. if we say something kind, our kind words go in many directions, and we ourselves go with them.

by the way, here is a random comment im posting here with this post. i really love this scent. i think if you love flowery sensual fragrance, this is a must-get! love love love! :)

ps: i MUSt get this. but it is pretty darn expensive. sigh.

wonderwall

i wonder too much. i wonder about everything. i wonder what you did today. i wonder what my dogs are thinking. i wonder if i will go under the sun today. i wonder if something life altering will happen soon. i wonder if you have dreams like i do. i wonder if i will die old. i wonder if i will meet my second half before that and live through to old age. i wonder how i will look when i am fifty years old. i wonder (and believe) if true love exists. i wonder if your bed is comfier than mine. i wonder if i will eventually travel a lot, not only my mind. i wonder what perfection is to you. i wonder if i could ever get myself to go skydiving, and i wonder if you would go with me. i wonder why things and people die so suddenly. i wonder (sometimes) why things end so slowly. i wonder if life is really meaningful as what i believe. i wonder if the end is just the end. i wonder if aliens have emotions like us. i wonder if i am annoying. i wonder why i care, though. i wonder if you do, too. i wonder how many jellybeans i can fit in my bag. i wonder how old the tree outside my window is. i wonder what it is like to be a bird. i wonder what it would be like to not be able to recognize faces.

i wonder
i wonder
i wonder

what it is like not to wonder so much...

all the talking

the truth is hard. the truth is awkward and very often the truth hurts. i mean, people think they want the truth. but do they really? the truth is painful. deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves. and sometimes we tell the truth because we just cant help ourselves. sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much.


at the end of the day, there are some things you just cant help but talk about. some things we just dont want to hear, and some things we say because we cant be silent any longer. some things are more than what you say, they are what you do. some things you say cause there is no other choice. some things you keep to yourself. and not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.


sometimes there is nothing to say. sometimes silence expresses more than words. picking up the phone, dialing a number, it can do more damage than good. but humans are afflicted with this obsessive desire to talk things to death. so we make things worse, just by trying to make it better.

some people just dont understand a conversation. some people just choose to not understand. we all have useless talks, and stupid conversations before.

i just hope you are not just here for all these. i want meaningful conversations. i wish to have deeper conversations with you.

a little conscience

people said i have changed so much. well here is the honest truth, i grew up. i stopped letting people push me around, i learned that you cant always be happy; i accepted reality. once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, i think everything else just falls into place.


note to self ;

...so today you found out your life is not the same. not quite as perfect as it was yesterday. i know it hurts and i know you feel torn. but you never gave up this easily before. so why do you choose today to give it all away?

sometimes, if i get confused i choose to close my eyes, and try to listen to my heart. my heart may be on the left, but it is always right.

a rant

i dont think that you understand, like, really comprehend this. im not over-exaggerating, im not saying it just to say it, and i sure as hell am not lying. there isnt anyone else who crosses my mind right now because all i want is you. but I guess when i really think about it, it always comes down to me and you. you have my whole heart for better or for worse. you are the one i have feelings for and no other person could even measure up.

i might be wearing my emotions on my sleeves. or maybe i dont. but you must understand that im not just a comfort pillow. im for real. though, even with all these, i have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and lost of interest.

so where do i stand?

you tell me...

second half of the year

...in fact, we have our own lives to live. why bother with petty things people say? they dont know what everybody else is struggling for and yet they are struggling to circulate their stories to other unknowing people. such nuisance and hypocrites.

remember, to never be like them...

388

no matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. we would prefer to know, of course, what curveballs will be thrown our way. it is the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day, the people we never expected to show up, a turn of events we never would have chose for ourselves. all of a sudden you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be and it is nice, or it takes some getting used to. still, maybe you will find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line. so you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, preparing for them, and hoping that whatever accidents come your way will be happy ones.

today, is another happy day.

388th day.

just because.