i remember a friend once told me, he keeps grudges - and he does it passionately. he explained that once he love, he love hard. once he is offended, he goes all out with that hate, the hard way too. well, he has a lot of contradictory acts that i find not relevant to what he admit to being. well, anyways...
i guess this is where that perception differ. i am easily happy, and easily angry, but i dont dwell in it for too long, the latter. i get bored way too fast in draggy things. maybe from that, i find no meaning in being upset or storing hate for another person or thing for long. i get bored of being mad. yes, i think that is it. when boredom overcomes the madness of being pissed, it just sizzles into something unknown to me. i am just gonna leave that word, whatever word there is to describe this absurdity.
there is always gonna be a sense of shock and disbelief when you face something or someone that has been so close to you before and when something happened (whatever it is, direct or indirectly) you totally zone out. that numbness, for me, is in resonance for some time - before i come to term with my body and brain that it is actually gonna be okay. it will be, and i will be glad that i dont know what is actually going on. the curiosity just halted to a stop, when your hearts feels that it is alright right pass an encounter.
i think you would gradually get over the pain of people coming in and out of your life. it doesnt go away, not for a long time, but it becomes easier to live with each passing day. one morning you wake up, and they are not the first thing on your mind. and then a few months down the line, you realize you have made it through half the day without thinking of them. sometimes it takes months, sometimes years, but eventually you reach a point when you only think about them occasionally. you manage to do this because you dont see them, you dont hear about them, and you try not to think about them. but when you bump into them walking down the street, or someone unexpected mentions their name and the memories come flooding back. but memories also become less painful in time.
ps // im glad you have found somebody worthy of your abundant love. best wishes. sincerely.
i think you would gradually get over the pain of people coming in and out of your life. it doesnt go away, not for a long time, but it becomes easier to live with each passing day. one morning you wake up, and they are not the first thing on your mind. and then a few months down the line, you realize you have made it through half the day without thinking of them. sometimes it takes months, sometimes years, but eventually you reach a point when you only think about them occasionally. you manage to do this because you dont see them, you dont hear about them, and you try not to think about them. but when you bump into them walking down the street, or someone unexpected mentions their name and the memories come flooding back. but memories also become less painful in time.
ps // im glad you have found somebody worthy of your abundant love. best wishes. sincerely.
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thank you for sending me love/hate note ;)