if only tears were laughter, if only nights were day

...or the other way around. it would be fine for me, either way.

i wanna have lunch dates too. not that i dont, but i wanna have it with you - like old times. people that im fond of, not those that i will have to please or get upset with because i am just not like that. i want to have things to look forward to when i wake up or before i sleep. be it sound of your voice, or just texts, or random messages on paper or the internet. it would make just SO much difference, no matter what. 

sometimes you tend to want things and think of off topic things when you are too free. that might be my case right now. i want so much. but by the look of these things they are actually small scale, things doable. these arent even hard by any standards.

i miss being me. i worry too much, this me now. 

and i drift away, not far enough for me to forget nonsensical stuff i kept in this head. 

sigh.