sometimes

you know that feeling? that feeling when you just want the right things to fall into the right places not only because it is right. but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible? i want to believe that.

sometimes i feel as though the only thing i can do to wash away this empty space inside of me would be to empty it out even more, empty everything inside myself, slowly, carefully, methodically, and leave it on the curb of my driveway for somebody else to pick up. and once im nothing more than a shell, my heartbeat echoing against my hollowed out chest and vibrating against my fragile ribs, will i be able to find what i have been searching for, although i truly dont know what that is yet. when, like me, you have spent years searching for something in the world, something unknown, something magical and all you can do to come close to finding that unknown wonder is search in books, paintings, words, and hope that the secret you have been hoping to find will somehow find you.