to dad, with love.

death is the eternal mystery.

...just like when we cry for everything else we could not say, and for things we dont even know we felt. there are the kinds of support that we will ask for, and the kinds that we will never ask for. afterall computers crash, people die, and relationship falls apart. the best we can do is breathe and reboot. but when all else fail, we could reminisce and savour the sweetest moments in which we have had together.

all my life, my father had been the most respectful person i know. the times i have made mistakes fearing the worst, i have always come clean before i was caught -- well, most of the time. of course as a child i have feared for punishments such as the wooden ruler hitting the palm of my hands etcetera etcetera but being afraid was never like a troubled child fearing for my life or being so scared that i'd wet my undies no matter how bad i screwed up. even those minimal punishments we were protected from by my mother who couldn't bear to see us cry - my younger sister and i, and whatever physical punishments there was stopped altogether before i even turned ten years old. he was always respected, but never feared because he had only instilled in me good values and lessons into my upbringing.

in time, my punishments became only stern voices and deep discussions that boggled my mind, that had made me think of my actions and their consequences even in my sleep. 

but thanks to that even though i'd still get into trouble, some terrible ones at times, but it does not compare to people who does not even comprehend the consequences of their actions. i have always been daring, but very sensible one at that. i have never thought that being daring could ever be paired up with being sensible. it just does not make sense when you think of it. lol

my father had always been overprotective with us. he is always around during our evening outdoor playtime with the neighbours' kids. he had always been the one who prohibits all sorts of entertainment (even learning) that could result to any form of physical injury no matter how small - and this list includes swimming! (ohh you would not have imagined how much tantrum i pulled begging to join martial arts classes etcetera) . he has been the one rub medical ointment on my bruises and scratches if i need to hide them from my mother who is even more paranoid about us getting hurt in any way, and i would say that for a man he does it so gently i could have cried describing it right now. so much little arguments that is proven to be funny now when we think back, because it all came undeniably out of love. i would not say that i regretted not being able to do any of those things i cried so much wanting then.

happy birthday, Papa.